My Diary
by J.E.A.R.K.Potter
Summary: What is in the depths of this brilliant girl's mind? What is hidden that no one seems to know... AU in a way...
1. Entry One

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. J.K. Rowling owns everything  
else.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's diary. Rated R for sexual matters, drugs, alcohol, and attempted suicide....  
  
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(This is where our main story starts)  
  
Entry 1-  
7-14-96  
  
Dear Diary-  
Well, Harry and I are at the Weasley's Family Reunion. I still can't believe what happened last night... I swear, Ginny's friends (Well, actually mine too. I just made them last night.) Christine and Janelle, they both had it planned to get Harry and me together! I don't really like Harry, but I'm 15, and still haven't had a 'real' boyfriend.

I feel so left out compared to Ginny. She's already slept with tons of guys for her age! I shouldn't be thinking this way, I know.

Anyways, with Harry, Harry, Ginny, Ron, Christine, Janelle, and I all played Truth-or-Dare. Everything was going great, till Janelle HAD to ask Harry if I liked him, if he'd ask me out. He said yes! Of course, my thoughts went to how Harry and Cho, you know, my ENEMY these days, were going out. Wait... They still are! Remind me to tell Harry to break up with that bitch... Well, of course, a few more truths down the line; Janelle asked me if I liked Harry. I blushed! Of all the things I could have done... I don't really like Harry, remember that, but NO! Janelle said that meant yes, so she made Harry ask me out.

One thing I didn't expect was Ginny to get angry. She thought I'd betrayed her! I still don't see how I did, though. I just think Harry's hot... Ginny went crazy last night over it. Saying I wasn't her friend, Harry was a complete ass... Oh! Who could forget her throwing pillows at Harry when all of us tried to talk to her? Some friend SHE is... I still love her like my sister, you know, but it's not very fair to me. I know she likes Harry, diary, but... Oh who cares? I felt horrid for saying yes to him afterwards, but Harry said everything would be fine, and he hugged me to him as we lay down on the floor, holding hands and just talking.

So, that's how the night went on. A few times, Mr. Weasley came in to check on us, but luckily nothing was going on... Then. Some of our dares got a little crazy. I've never been the one to grab a guy or anything; I'm just the calm settle one. Evidentially, that's not the way the game is played!

What I liked best about the entire night was when we got to go to sleep. Ginny and her cousin, Payten, slept down on the floor (opposite side of Harry and me). Ron, Christine, and Janelle all slept on the bed. I found out earlier today that Christine isn't even related to any of the Weasley's. She's actually Lupin's cousin (don't ask why she was at a Weasley's get together)! Ron and Christine are going out, found that out, too. Odd ways, you know...

Last night was the first night I've ever slept in the arms of anyone that I was sexually involved with. It was really cozy! We slept on one of Christine's pillows and her stuffed dog. Well... Yeah. I've been having horrible nightmares, since I was six, and that very, very time... I was safe! Can you believe that? No nightmares for me! I still can't believe it... It's a miracle. I need to go.  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/N- so, what do you think of My Diary so far? Please leave a review or flame!! -Jackie)


	2. Entry Two

  
  
Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. J.K. Rowling owns the characters, and some of the characters are just made up... So yeah...  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual matters, alcohol, attempted suicide...  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Miranda G. Potter, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, mirokusbabe, Sloth master, and NightDreamer13!!!  
  
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Entry 2  
7-28-96  
  
Dear Diary-

Well, while I stayed at the Weasley's, Harry had to go the Dursley's for two weeks! I never knew I could miss someone this much! I  
really, truly didn't. I'm just glad he got back yesterday. You know how I said I've never had a real boyfriend? That implies to kisses, too. I  
met Harry's cousin, Dudley, yesterday, too. We! I just made it sound like Dudley and I kissed, didn't I? That's disgusting!!

Back to kissing... Ron, Ginny, Fred, and my a lot younger cousin, Dawn, went to a park close by the Burrow. We didn't know Harry was going  
to be there, shooting fireworks at Dudley. Harry almost hit Dawn in the butt with one! Over all, it was funny. Harry was right about Dudley.  
He's an ass.

When we all finally sat down, I sat down in between Harry's legs. We were on a picnic table, and he was up on the topper half of it. Dawn  
asked who he was. Harry said he was my boyfriend, and he took my hands in his. Ron asked when we were going to kiss. So... We both leaned up/down for what we thought, well, I thought, would be just a simple kiss like it was back on the 13th. When he kissed me, I kissed back. Some part into that, our tongues ended up in each other's mouths.

I used to think kissing was beyond gross, but now, after just one kiss, I don't think I can live without it! It was just like... Wow! I really like Harry, now.

When all that was happening, Dudley was setting off fireworks. We all had to run back to the Weasley's not to get caught by the people  
Dudley was shooting at.

I got another kiss when Harry said he had to take Dudley back to Lupin's. I forget to mention he's living there part time for the Order. He's only going to get to come back to school every other weekend, and that's it!! I don't know why, but this saddens me. Probably because I'm  
so use to having him near...

Anyways, the Dursley's just dropped Dudley off there, thinking Lupin would watch the little sneazel... Luckily, Lupin's isn't that far away from Ron's! Just about 7 blocks away... I need to go. But before I do, my family is thinking about moving closer to the Weasley's. They've  
become really close! Now I really need to go. Ginny's coming up, and she's still somewhat angry with me. Toodles!  
-Hermione


	3. Entry Three

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. J.K. Rowling owns the rest. I do have a few made up characters, but I really don't own them. They own themselves... Sorry.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual matters, alcohol, and attempted suicide (non-graphic, but still...)  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, Night Dreamer13, scorpio-1983, and missradcliffe!!  
  
To Miranda G. Potter's question, though... Yes, Dudley is living with Lupin, Christine, and Harry for the time. I sort of needed him there,  
because stuff happens later than involves him. It's only in the summer, and, well, I can't give away the story, but yes, Dudley is living with  
them for the time being.  
  
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Entry 3  
8-5-96  
  
Dear Diary,

We had the best time tonight! Mr. Weasley bought us fireworks... Everyone was shooting them off at each other. Ginny and I hung out with George most of the night, while Harry, Ron, and Draco (he's turned 'okay'... For the time) were all firing them off at each other. Draco  
brought them two thugs, Crabbe and Goyle, with him. None of us knew Crabbe skateboarded. Well, wizarding skateboarding. It's almost like  
riding a surfboard...

Well, Harry and Ron had these muggle fireworks called Roman Candles, or something like that, that they were shooting off at each other. They were running all over the place as we (Ginny and I) sat on my Mum's car, the Red Ragtop, or so I call it. We were all at the Weasley's for this get together. Now, I know Ron didn't mean to, but when they were messing around, Ron hit Harry in the back with on of them stupid Roman candle things! All either Ginny or I could hear was Harry's yelling! You don't know how worried I got!

Luckily, Harry forgave Ron later on that night.

Now... I got some huge news on my life. You know how I have promised I would never, ever drink alcohol, sorry, I broke that promise. Don't worry, though! With Harry it only got to... Uh... Well, we almost... I was buzzed as Harry said I was, okay! I'm sorry...

I had a good night, though, besides our 'wonderful' accident with the fireworks. At least Ginny and I are getting along pretty well. She  
just doesn't like the fact that Harry and me are still going out. How long has it been, now? 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24,  
25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5... So, that's... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 days! Wow... Do you think it will be all right if I told him I love him? I heard Parvati Patil say it was all right to say I love you after you've dated for 11 days. I don't know... I would ask Ginny, but I don't want her  
angry... Again.

I need to owl Luna. (Hehehe-Erin) I've been owling her lot, lately, mostly because we write a little for her father's Quibbler. It's pretty cool. Anyways, I need to go. Bye.  
-Hermione


	4. Entry Four and Five

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, J.K. Rowling owns most of the characters, minus a few I needed to add. Them, I don't even own. They own  
themselves.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual doings, drugs, alcohol, and attempted suicide. All non-graphic.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter,

missradcliffe, scorpio-1983, and NightDreamer13!!  
  
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Entry 4  
8-10-96  
  
Dear Diary,

Eyes go wide you're not going to believe it. I don't believe it! There was so much stuff I didn't know about Harry and Ron when I was a 'good' girl. Didn't ever figure they all were into a muggle drug called weed, pot, or marijuana whichever you prefer. They use it to get high. I didn't even know that Mr. Weasley beat Ron and Ginny sometimes for no reason at all. He's always came across to me as a nice, loving, and  
caring father.

Yesterday was the day that Harry, Ron, Ginny, Christine and I all got high. My first time, of course. I never really even knew about the  
drug till them. I've never felt so, well, happy!! Seriously!! I can't believe I fucking tried weed. I'm not going to make it a habit. Maybe  
just every once in a while. I'm not completely stupid. I just can't believe I tried the shit. In a way, it's scary as hell to think me, the well-grounded girl, tried pot!!

Mum said we're moving when school starts. I actually forgot mostly about school! This is my 6th year, yet I really don't want it to start.  
Sure, I want to see my friends like Luna, Lavender, Hannah, Susan, and a few others that I've managed to get close to. Who knows, though? I just know I'm going to miss Harry. He has to stay with Lupin for training and all this year. It really sucks!! Christine doesn't even have to go back to her school this year; she gets to stay with Lupin. She attends a muggle school, though.

Diary, I told Harry that I love him ((A/n– Sorry missradcliffe! –Jackie)). I think I actually mean it, too. It's a little odd when you think about it. This is a short entry, but really all that's happened to me is I tried weed. I'm going to go. Mum is calling me down for supper, anyways. For some reason, though, that doesn't seem very appealing to me any more...  
–Hermione  
  
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((A/n– Since that was such a short entry, and all of my reviewers have reviewed almost or every entry, I'm giving them all two entries in one  
chapter!! Aren't I just the sweetest little thing you ever seen? LoL. Only I could wish, right? :D –Jackie))  
  
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Entry 5  
8-15-96  
  
Dear Diary

I was sober and not high, remember that this entry, okay? Oh my Merlin... Why did they have to interrupt us? Seriously...

You see, the Weasley, Lupin, Harry, and Christine all helped us move into the new house. I guess we moved a little sooner than plan,  
huh? Luckily we had magic to help us pack and everything. I think that's what made it so much easier to move. Now we live right in between where the Weasley's and Lupin/Harry/Christine live. Anyways...

Lupin is still 'babysitting' Dudley. Harry and I were in my room, which was all decorated and very well organized if I do say so, myself, and things were getting pretty intense. Everyone was trying to bust into the room. I'm just lucky that Mum and Dad were gone for work! I know  
that I'm going to hear from Luna and Hannah, asking what Harry and I did over the summer, so, I guess this will be the main highlight, won't it?

Okay. We were snogging, and with everything happening, like grabbing each other, kissing down the necks, which I think I got a hickey from, both shirts sliding off the bed, my bra somehow rolls eyes getting off of me with Harry's wonderful unhooking skills, and his  
pants... I never knew Harry rarely ever wore boxers. Sorry, a bit off track there. Like I said, things were getting pretty intense. He asked  
in a soft voice, "Are you sure, Mione?" (Hmm I seem to remember something like this being told to me-Lu... um Erin)

Now, Diary, if you can tell me ONE person who can resist Harry's hands intertwined with yours and those emerald eyes gazing down into  
yours so loving, with everything just seeming... Perfect! Tell me one person and I'll give them one million galleons. Of course, all I could  
do was nod as he began to undo the buttons on my pants.

You'd think everything would just go peachy creamy after I said yes, don't you? But NO! Dudley, the plow truck, budges down the door;  
eyes go wide at the position Harry and I were in, or else just my boobs (I don't think someone like him could ever get a girl. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but it's the truth! He's mean, arrogant, and just... I don't go by looks or anything, but he's got nothing good going for him!), I still have yet to figure that out, then of all the bloody  
things he could tell Harry, he tells him he has to go! Merlin! To think, Ginny wonders why I took up smoking cigarettes...

Later on that night, I slept the night with Christine and Ginny at Lupin's. As soon as the two fell asleep, I snuck into Harry's room. Luckily, Lupin's house has more bedrooms and Dudley has his own room so he wouldn't know I was giving Harry head...

Okay, yeah... Then we snogged for a while longer. That seems to be my favorite thing to do with him. I don't know why. Sorry, again off  
track, aren't I? Finally I got tired and I just lay there in Harry's arms as we gazed out his window at the full moon that we could see above  
the shed. We talked about out past. Our past before we'd met each other. Before I had to get back to Christine's room because you know, Lupin would kill us both if he found Harry and me in bed together, Harry took me in his arms and held me tight. He laced our hands together and told me I was the best girlfriend he had ever had. Then he released me, kissed me, said, "I love you, Mione," and I went out the door after  
returning the "I love you". Last night, needless to say, I cried myself to sleep a few rooms away from him.

I have never felt so alone, Diary. Here I was just a few rooms away from him! I know that we haven't dated a long time, and  
compared to my parents, we've barely even known each other, but... I'm in love. I really love him. I don't know what I'd do if he broke up with  
me. I can't imagine life without him, now.

Remember how I said Ron and Christine were dating back a few entries ago? I forgot to mention the ass broke up with her. Don't tell,  
Diary, well, it's not like you CAN tell, but Ron's been cheating on her with Lavender Brown. I love them all like they're my family, but do you  
know how bloody hard it is to keep quiet about all this personal stuff that I know??!!

I need to go. Mum's coming up the stairs. Probably to check and see why my light is still on and it's after midnight. Oops. Bye!!  
–Hermione  
  
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((A/n– So, what do you think of these two entries? I personally like Entry 5. Out of all the entries that I've written for this yet, that one  
is my favorite. Besides Entry 12, which hopefully, you'll get to read sooner or later!! :D Remember to review if you want to see Entry 6!!  
–Jackie))


	5. Entries Six through Eight

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. J.K. Rowling owns most of the characters, even the characters that are made up own themselves, and I don't own 'em.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual things, drugs, alcohol, and suicidal thoughts.  
  
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Thanks to my five reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G.Potter, scorpio-1983, NightDreamer13, miss-radcllife, and a new reviewer sadaf!! I've gotten my first flamer for the story, which comes from Critic Freak.  
  
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Entry 6  
8-19-96  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm going to kill myself... I'm fucking going to take this knife that's in my other hand and cut my wrist! It's not like anyone would care...

If you can't tell, Harry broke up with me. He left on the 16th for training, you know, and I've called him since then, but tonight... I got on the phone with him. He seemed... Distant. We kept talking till Dudley picked up the phone and Harry hung up.

You'd think the Boy-Who-Lived would have the guts to say he wanted to break up with me to my face, or at least tell me himself, but NO! Dudley had to do it for him and then he hung up on me!

This was all yesterday. I've been in my room, bawling my eyes out since then. I'm never going to look at the moon and not cry again, because I was outside, looking up at the moon, when it all happened.

Diary, I love him! I love him so much it hurts! Why don't I just cut a little bit...

No! Hermione, think of Dawn ((A/n- Remember, that's Hermione's little cousin... -Jackie))! Hasn't she been calling you mummy lately? Yes, yes she has. If you took your life now, think of how she'd feel!

Didn't Harry just get done saying he loved me? How could someone who loves you do this to you? Oh, Diary, I'm so confused. I feel so unloved, but yet I know that I'm loved. I want to cut so badly, but I know that I can't...

God damn you, Harry! Why do I love you?  
-Hermione  
  
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((A/n- I'm not going to leave ya'll like this. I'm going to write Entry 7 down here, too. Actions are bold, okay? -Jackie))  
  
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Entry 7  
9-2-96  
  
Dear Diary,

**Rolls eyes** School started yesterday. Even got some new transfer students. Mae, she's in Ravenclaw with Luna. Grace, she's actually in Gryffindor. Then there's Nicole who's in Hufflepuff with Hannah and Susan. Lastly is Kory, yes, she's female, who's over there with Hannah and Susan, too. Luna and Grace are really the only ones who have noticed I'm not eating much. Well, Ron, Ginny, and Hannah have noticed, too. I feel really in sin with Grace. She promised to hook me up with some weed. Thank goodness. I think this is just what I need to calm down my raging nerves, you know.

I haven't talked to Harry since Dudley broke up with me for him. When I call to talk to Christine sometimes, I ask only for Christine, never Harry. I hope to the fucking gods that pisses Harry off!!

I think my grades are even going to begin slipping, hopefully not, though. I really want to keep up my articles in the Quibbler and Mum says if they drop too much I'll have to drop that.

Can't you tell I'm trying to forget the word 'Harry'? Sorry, but I've been crying non-stop these past few weeks just because of all that. I'm lucky that I didn't cut. Mc Gonagall's noticed a 'change' in my, and yeah... She's no longer my role model. She fucking doesn't understand!  
God damn it... People are coming. Got to go. Bye.

-Hermione  
  
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	6. Entries Nine and Ten

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. The made up people actually own  
themselves.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual drugs, alcohol, and  
attempted suicide (most is non-descriptive).  
  
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A/N-- I'm sooooooo sorry!! I have been without Internet for the past few days!! I've had many, many days where I tried to get on, but since my little cousin Dylan spilled water on it, it's wrecked. Now, I'm stuck on a webTV that's in my kitchen!! :'( --Jackie)  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Anafics (chapter four), Miranda G. Potter, Erin  
from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, a new reviewer by the name of BubblyBubbles365  
(awesome name!), scorpio-1983, and missradcliffe!! For all of you, THREE entries since I've been gone so long!!  
  
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Entry 8  
9-30-96  
  
Dear Diary,

I don't know what the fuck I have, but whatever it is, it makes me 'like' who ever Ginny is crushing on. Yeah, Dean Thomas was with Ron, Ginny, and her friend Kayla today, right? I took a walk, found them, then sat down and talked to them. I never knew that Dean thought I was hot...

Okay, yeah, he asked me to give him head. Thank Merlin there was nowhere to go for that! He asked me out, too. I noticed Ginny over crying to Kayla. I know, Diary, I should have been a better friend and asked her what was wrong. It's just... Oh all right! I'm selfish... Dean was holding me, actually, he was playing with me, and all I could think about was how no one besides Harry ever liked me a lot. Plus, what better way to get over the ass anyways...

Diary, I don't know what to do any more! If I have one more break down...

Oh, my nightmares! They're getting so detailed... They're so gruesome any more!!

Back when I was five, I found my Papa dead in the hallways. Yes, I've been able to see the threstles. Of course, with my wonderful reading skills, I knew why and came to accept that. Now, with my nightmares...

Each time, it starts out with me walking down the hallway in my little white dress, just like it was back then. When I reach halfway, I notice I have a huge butcher knife in my hand, and I'm walking straight towards Papa. I split into two people. One of me has flaming red eyes, go figure she's the one with the knife, then there's the other, curled up in a ball, crying... The evil one stabs Papa, then they adjoin again... Them are my wonderful nightmares!!

I wish Ha--- No! He's mean... He broke your heart... Oh who cares? It's just you, Diary. It's not like no one other than me is reading you, right? I wish that Harry were here. Remember how I never had them nightmares when I was with him? I sure as hell do... It's just so hard to get him off my mind, you know. I love him with all my heart!

This is the only other person besides my Papa I've loved so much I've cried myself to sleep over. Sleep. That sounds really good at the moment, but nightmares... Them don't.

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 9  
10-1-96  
  
Dear Diary,

Well, yesterday was our first trip to Hogsmeade's. I wasn't going to sit with Dean, but I did. Ginny seemed to get pissed at me because I said yes to him today. I actually let him... I fell really embarrassed saying this, but I let him 'play' with me on the train ride there under my jacket. Yeah, I know, SLUT! Right? ---Sighs--- There's only one thing that bothers me. Dean's going out with some girl named April, or something like that. Change that, HE WAS!

You see, whatever her name is found out Dean and I was going out, so, she dumped him. Just so you know, I was his play toy. She wouldn't put out, I would, and I thought he was a way to fucking get over Harry. Well, he broke up with me, hoping to get her back. Well, everyone got broken up with today, now, didn't they?

I never really even liked Dean. I wonder if Ginny is still my friend? I know if I were her, I wouldn't be my friend now. I've been a royal bitch to all of her feelings since I first started the journal...

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 10  
10-20-96  
  
Dear Diary,  
I remember now why I love Harry James Potter so much. Dumbledore's  
started this thing where 5th years and up can go places over the weekends, as long as we're back for classes on Monday. So, this weekend, Ron, Ginny, and I went to Lupin's. Everyone was there. Minus Dudley, finally. My mum and I got into a huge ass fight, and she ran off. Luckily, I had time to cool down with Ginny and Christine.

Now Mum's never been the woman to stay out past 10 o'clock, so I had Lupin call over home for me. No answer. I started getting worried because Dad is always home and reading why it's past 10, and he has work the next day. I gave Lupin Mum's cell phone number and he dialed it. It wasn't Mum who picked up it was a stranger. The man and Lupin talked for a long time. By now, I was so worried, Ginny and Christine had to sit me down on a couch. Ron and Harry were in the hallway, listening  
and watching.

Lupin got off the phone and looked at me. I knew right then something was horribly wrong. I screamed, "I don't want to hear it!!" and started to run to Christine's room. I didn't make it, though. Harry caught me.

Diary, the second I felt his arms around me I just collapsed into his arms, crying. Harry had never seen me cry before, so I'm sure he was shocked. While Lupin told me Mum was in a muggle hospital getting her arm patched up from an accident, Harry just held me. He let me cry on his shoulder. He told me loved me! He kept my hair out of my eyes, and my tears wiped away the best he could.

Needless to say, I think last night was the only night Lupin was okay with Harry and me sleeping in the same bed, me wrapped up in his arms, all of this, in Lupin's house.

Mum is home now, but I have to leave for school tomorrow again. I won't be able to see Mum or Harry for two more weeks... I've never dreaded school this much.

-Hermione  
  
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A/N-- So, what do you think of these three entries? Erin, I want you to keep quiet. Ron, Ginny, and Colin are staying the night... -- Jackie


	7. Entries Eleven and Twelve

Story: My Diary  
Author: Jackie from J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot, that's it. People who are made up own  
themselves.  
  
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Summary: Hermione's journal. Rated R for sexual things, drugs, alcohol,  
and attempted suicide. Most things non-graphic.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, magicrules, Miranda  
G. Potter, scorpio-1983, and NightDreamer13!! Thanks!!  
  
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Entry 11  
11-11-96  
  
Dear Diary,

Well I now Mc Gonagall will send me to St. Mungo's for fucking mental issues! For the last three days I've been cooped up in a psycho ward because Mc Gonagall took me seriously when I said I was going to kill myself. Merlin, I'm scared of death! Yeah, but I did erase myself a few times over the past few weeks (only because I miss Harry so much!)... Oh, who cares! I've never missed my family so much!

When I got back to school evidently Ron had told everyone where I'd been. Hell, someone said I even threatened to kill Mc Gonagall! Now who ever started that needs to check in there...

I had to spend three days convincing people I would stop smoking, drinking, erasing, etc. Do you know how hard it is to keep a straight face through all that?

I'll admit there was one point where I thought I'd change. Then, I got home and I'm like, "Screw it!"

Now no one at school will look at me and think I'm the brilliant Hermione. Don't they know perfect always comes with flaws? At least I kept my true friends through all this, right?

I have to go. Madame Pomfrey is yelling at me, telling me I have to take my depression meds.

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 12  
12-27-96  
  
Dear Diary,

If there ever was a person who could be happier than I am as of yesterday, I want to know who she or she is, because yesterday was by far the best day of my life. Well, it was at the time.

Okay, Ginny, Dawn, and I stayed with Christine at Lupin's for the day after Christmas. Usually, I hate Christmas because that's three days before I found Papa.

Harry asked if he could talk to me, alone. Of course I said yes and then we technically kicked Christine out of her own room so we could talk.

He asked me how I was doing as we laid there starting at Christine's fan. Well, I was, at least. I still had yet to conquer looking at Harry and not crying.

I told him I was doing okay, a little sad and all since it was Christmas time, but okay.

Diary, do you know how hard it was to lie to him, yeah, extremely hard. Well, I looked over at him.

His eyes were gazing at me. I remember those eyes looking down into mine, his voice softly whispering... Why does that all seem so faerytaleish? Probably because yesterday was...

I asked him if something was wrong. He shook his head and looked back up at the ceiling. I turned on my side to face him.

We talked for about five minutes longer, and then he too turned on his side...

Diary, he took one of my hands in his and asked me to go back out with him. He said he missed me. There was no way I could say no! Of course, images of what had happened before...

That's when I heard someone fall down. Who would have knew that Dawn, Christine, and Ginny had been in the bathroom, listening...

You know I said yes to him. Diary, this is by far my best Christmas gift ever. I have Harry, again.  
  
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(A/n -- Here's two Entries. Hope ya'll like 'em! -- Jackie)


	8. Entries Thirteen through Seventeen

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot. The characters that are made up technically  
own themselves...  
  
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Summary: Hermione's Journal. Rated R for sexual happenings, drugs,  
alcohol, and attempted suicide (most non-graphic)  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! A new reviewer, helloppl, Miranda G. Potter,  
BubblyBubbles365, NightDreamer13, missradcliffe, and Erin from  
J.E.A.R.K.Potter. Thanks!!  
  
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Entry 13  
3-31-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I know it's the first time that I've written in here since the new year started. Sorry that I haven't wrote much, but nothing's happened to me!! I've just been having a normal life, for the time being. I don't think being a witch counts for having a normal life, but this is me... so, no normal life.

I did, however, get a new cat today. I named her after Luna's favourite muggle movie series, Star Wars. Her name is Padmé Amidala Granger. She's pure brown and when she's tired, she's got the biggest blue eyes I've ever seen!!

She looks nothing like Crookshanks. Truth be told, he has to stay with Mum and Dad because he's getting so damn grouchy. When I go home on the weekends, I wonder how Crookshanks, Patches (that's Dad's cat) and Sammi (Mum's cat) will act towards my little fluff ball of terror...

Sorry for such a short entry!!

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 14  
4-12-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I shouldn't be this way. I really, really shouldn't. I don't even know if Harry is cheating on me...

Oh who cares! I really want something t show for this pain that is inside of me. Just a few little slits... but not on my wrist, no no, Diary, on my forearm. No one ever sees it, anyways! (Yeah Jackie no one ever sees it that was sarcasm tell-Erin)

Shit... Sorry, Diary, I didn't mean to get blood on you. Now you're always going to remember what happened... I'm just hoping no one ever, ever gets into you, Diary. You are my only friend. You know everything about me. You're the only thing that I can tell my true feelings to. You're the only thing that even knows me a little bit...

Good goblets. Do you think people would notice if I started to not eat? I need to lose weight, anyways. 15 years old, I shouldn't weigh 120 fucking pounds...

Yeah... Now my life is perfect. If everyone thinks I'm so fucking perfect, why don't they see perfect comes with so many flaws?

-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- All of these are short. Nothing major is really happening in Hermione's life at this point, just like in a regular diary, you know. I'm going to write three more entries in this one chapter, okay? --  
Jackie  
  
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Entry 15  
6-26-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Well I'm in an airplane flying over the Atlantic Ocean, seeing tons of things as I sit here in a two seater seat with Dawn laying on my lap. She's got something. I think its strep throat.

Mum had the great idea that for two weeks I should get away from everything that's happening. Nothing's happening, though. So, when Aunt  
Jodi said she was going to Ontario, California over in the U.S. to see her boyfriend, Albee, I got to go along.

Aunt Jo is sitting across the aisle from Dawn and me with James, one of my other little cousins. He's Jodi's son. Then, behind then is Jodi with Lynn sitting right by her, anxiously looking out the window.

I've never met Jodi's boyfriend, Albee. I heard he's really nice, though, and she's said she really loves him. Plus, he treats James and Lynn like they're his own children.

Oh fuck. Dawn is starting to move. I got to go.

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 16  
6-30-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I miss everyone so much! Everything we've done here should be fantastic, but it's not! I'm laying here in this beautiful hotel room that I share with Aunt Jo and Dawn, but all I can think about is home...

I miss my cars so much! I miss all my friends terribly! I miss Mum and Dad! Most of all, I miss Harry...

I wrote a poem, Diary, a few about just missing him... Want to hear? Oh, who cares, you're MY diary and I've got the say in what I write or not...

I'm sorry. I was such a bitch right there... Here are the poems... Actually, I can only find one. It's titled 'Moon and You':  
I look up at the moon...

And I wonder...

Are you looking at it, too?  
Crying out in the middle of the night...

I just want you to hold me so tight...

So lost and so confused... I really don't know what the hell to do!

I need to go home...

Be surrounded by all I know...

I love you  
and only you...

I look up at the moon...

And I wonder...

Are you looking  
at it, too?

Oh, Diary, I want to go home!!

-Hermione  
  
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Entry 17  
7-4-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Well, Diary, I made it. I made it through this horrible place called the U.S.A.! Well, it wasn't horrible, it was just that I missed home so much... At least we go home tomorrow!  
I talked to Ginny and Christine on the phone. Even called Luna  
once, too. James thought Luna's number was Harry's and he called and  
annoyed the fuck out of her! Poor Luna...(yes poor old Luna I didn't know my... I mean Luna's voice sounded so much like B... Harry's-Erin)

Yeah. I only got to call Harry once. Even then I couldn't talk much to him. When I talked to Ginny, she said Harry started crying when he heard me talking to the, and Dawn talking, too.

Dawn's been in the habit of calling Harry and me Mum and Dad. People actually think we're her parents! She sort of looks like me in the face and eyes, then she's got Harry hair. She really does look like our daughter. If you've ever heard the song 'I'm Already There' by Lonestar (American country group), it reminds me so much of that phone call. Here, I'll write down the lyrics for you to see...

He called her on the road... From a lonely cold hotel room... Just to hear her say I love you one more time... And when he heard the sound... Of the kids laughing in the background... He had to wipe away a tear from his eye... A little voice came on the phone... And said, "Daddy when you coming home?"... He said the first thing that came to his mind... I'm already there... Take a look around... I'm the sunshine in your hair... I'm the shadow on the ground... I'm the whisper in the wind... I'm your imaginary friend... And I know I'm in your prayers... Oh I'm already there... She got back on the phone... Said I really miss you darling... Don't worry about the kids they'll be all right... Wish I was in your arms... Lying right there beside you... But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight... And I'll gently kiss your lips... Touch you with my fingertips... So turn out the light and close your eyes... I'm already there... Don't make a sound... I'm the beat in your heart... I'm the moonlight shining down... I'm the whisper in the wind... And I'll be there until the end... Can you feel the love that we share... Oh I'm already there... We may be a thousand miles apart... But I'll be with you wherever you are... I'm already there... Take a look around... I'm the sunshine in your hair... I'm the shadow on the ground... I'm the whisper in the wind... And I'll be there until the end... Can you feel the love that we share... Oh I'm already there... Oh I'm already there...

I hated Disneyland. I found it all rather boring. Universal Studios was awesome, though. Harry would have loved it! Dawn and Lynn liked playing in the Nickelodeon water thing. I have to admit, if I wasn't suppose to play Mum, I would have had a blast.

Out here in California, Diary, I never think of cutting myself or starving myself. It's just like when I'm with Harry!

My favourite part, though, would have to be helping Albee pick out Jodi's engagement ring. It's so cute! It's Belgian cut with diamonds on a gold band, so adorable, Diary.

If Harry ever proposed to me, I'd love a Belgian cut sapphire gem with a silver band. Silver is a lot better than gold, I think, but Jodi's ring is beautiful!

Well, I need to go. I got to get up at 6 in the morning to go to the airport to go back to the U.K.  
-Hermione  
  
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	9. Entries Eighteen through Twenty One

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Own the plot. Don't own the characters.  
  
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I'm getting tired of putting the summary. So, from this chapter forward,  
there shall be no summary. If you love the summary so much, you may go  
back to chapters 1-8 and read it, okay?  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, scorpio-1983, BubblyBubbles365, NightDreamer13, and Miranda G. Potter. Thanks!!  
  
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Entry 18  
7-6-97  
  
Dear Diary,

It feels so good to be lying in my own bed in my own room in my own home... As soon as I walked in the gate, Christine and Ginny jumped on me. I was so happy to see them! Then, I saw Harry riding by on his broom. I started SCREAMING! I ran to him and flung my arms around him. Evidentially, we fell to the ground in this. Both of us were on the whole 'I missed you' statements. He gently kissed me, because EVERYONE was watching us. Including Mum and Dad!! We made out way back up to my  
porch and that's when I saw my little kitten, Maé Maé!! She's not little any more... Oh, Maé Maé is what we began calling her after Parvati saw her.

So, Ginny, Christine, Ron, Harry and I were on the porch talking. The adults went inside to talk, and James, Dawn, and Lynn had to go put away their things. Christine poked my sides, which drives me NUTS! I fell to the ground laughing. Only thing? I fell right down in between Harry's legs. Ron and his big mouth had to ask if Harry was going to 'get some'.

Oh, he did that all right. We almost had sex, again, all because we missed each other so much.

I know this is out of line, but I wonder how Ginny is...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 19  
7-11-97  
  
Dear Diary,

You'd think after the fucking last time he broke up with me I would fucking realize all the signs of it! Oh hell no, though! This time he made Christine do it for his lame ass!!

Diary, why do I fall for him every time? I have to act calm, though. I should have seen this coming. Ron did tell me Harry was going to try and get Cho...

I already broke down. I can't cry any more. He's not worth it! All he wants is his cock sucked...

I know he loved me at one point, right? At least he said he did... I really thought Harry would be different than those other boys! I wish I could just... Forget!

It'd be so much easier if I hadn't 'developed', yo know. Then I'd know guys wanted me for my personality, not for anything else!

Diary, do you think it's possible that maybe I should just be a whore? That way I'll never have to fall in love? Plus, that's the only reason why Harry 'loved' me, isn't it?

You don't know how bad I want to kill myself. Why the fuck do I have to be scared of death? I'm going to go cry, okay, Diary? Then wish I were dead...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 20  
8-1-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Parvati hooked me up with some guy named Justin. He's in Hufflepuff and that's really all I know about him. I wish she wouldn't have, though, because do you have any idea how torn up I am still about Harry?

This is so stupid! I want to kill myself all over some... Boy!

What do you think happened to the old Hermione? The one that never did any of the things I do. The one that's never tried the shit I've done. I miss her. I don't even think I know that poor girl any more...

Ow! On Merlin's grave! Sorry for the new stain, Diary. Well, my forearms got many more new cuts. Wonder who all is going to notice?

Sorry to you, Diary. My entries have been getting smaller and smaller, probably because I'm so depressed...  
-Hermione... I think  
  
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(A/n -- This next entry is important. Sort of... Hermione just really, really pissed off... --Jackie)  
  
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Entry 21  
8-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Diary, Lavender is a BITCH!! She knows how fucking much I love Harry, yet she's now going out with him! She says she just wants to give him a chance... She's knows how I feel... Blah blah blah! It's a bunch of BULLSHIT! Just because Ron was an ass to her, it doesn't mean she has to go and date Harry! She's a fucking CUNT! I hope she dies and burns and...

Isn't this what I did to Ginny, sort of? God, if she felt like this, I'm soooooo sorry...

It's just... God, Diary! Why does it have to be Harry?

She's getting a straight up asshole for her boyfriend. He doesn't treat women right, he's obscene, and he's cruel...

Then again, he's really sweet. He can comfort you when you feel like you're going to bawl; he says the right things at the right time...

I'm really starting t hate how much I love him. Yet, I can't. I don't understand... Am I supposed to hate him or am I supposed to love him? Ron says I can have any body that I want. Of course, I don't believe him. Who could possibly want me? Exactly! No one on this face of Earth wants me!

I hope Lavender is fucking happy! Hope she looks at my goddamn wrist, the bitch!  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- What do you think so far? I want come back on this... Because on paper, I've got around 21 more entries left. There's at least one or two getting added every week. I wait for 5 reviewers to review, then I send Erin what I think is lengthy enough to be the next post. I'm going to start putting in 5 entries per chapter, because I've noticed that during this time period, some of them are really, really short. She's in a depressing mood!!! Just so you know, yes, this is based off of REAL LIFE. The characters are now based off of my friends and all... the real life ones, at least. I get to play the role of Hermione. So, that's why some of the stuff is so... Personal. I know all about what's going on to her, now. Some people, like Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, know who's everyone in my mind because A) she's a real life friend and B) she's just TOO SMART for her own good... Sorry for my ramblings. It's just  
some of you reviewers have asked why this sometimes gets so personal. It's going to get really, really personal when we get around to Entry 40. (Hey I thought that it was entry 39 that it gets personal **winks**-Erin) I'm not saying what's in that entry, but yeah... It's just really personal. Okay? Thanks for your time. I hope you take just a few more seconds and review this story. After all, it is sort of my life. I like to see how you guys... Uh... React... to it. --Jackie)


	10. Entries Twenty One through Twenty Six

  
  
Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the characters that are made up. They own themselves. I do own the plot, though. Well, I'd better own the plot. I have to own my life, don't I?  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, helloppl reviewed chapter 8, a new reviewer named sugaslove, BubblyBubbles365, scorpio-1983, and another new reviewer, Lunalovegood!! Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 22  
8-29-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I was really happy yesterday. Only Luna and the ones I bothered to tell about my wrist have noticed. Hell, then no one's noticed I've become bulimic! Of course, not today...

I talked to Harry a little bit. We haven't really talked since he started dating Lavender. Ron said something like he doesn't want Lavender and I to talk... Oh, who knows?

Towards the end of the night, I was talking to Grace. She said she'd met Harry and now had a better understanding of him. I was like, of course! Who couldn't not know Harry...

She then said she'd just left him with Lavender. It dawned on me He was at Lavender's because she was at her house! I started bawling, Diary, I was so upset. I was there, laughing, then...

I'm never going to be happy again, am I? There's almost no way I can...

I'm sorry to leave you with such a short entry, but I'm starting to cry again. You know how well that goes along with me, don't you?

I'm not going to go yet, I guess. I'm... For now, done with crying. I noticed I never mentioned that Lavender stripped for Harry with her little sister, Rose, watching, did I? Yeah... Down by a stream a ways from the Burrow. Diary, that was suppose to be the gangs place!! Not Harry and Lavender's fucking place!!

Now I'm mad at Lupin. Why did he have to let Lavender and Rose be with Harry today? He always use to say how cute Harry and I were together...

--Looks at wrist-- I hope no one notices about them, now. There's like... Five cuts. Two of them are really deep. I used glass on them and I think they got some of it in them I hope I don't have to go to the doctor's for this!!...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 23  
8-30-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I had to break up with Justin today. Don't get me wrong; he was really sweet, for the one time I got to actually be with him. He always asked that day if he could go be with his friend or if he needed to stay with Parvati and me. See? He was sweet...

My heart just wasn't there, you know. I'm so wrapped up on that asshole, Harry; I don't think my heart is ever going to really be in another relationship.

With Harry's name mentioned already... He's still going with that cunty ass fucking slutty whore Lavender. Really, some friend she was! Oh, yeah, he's avoiding me. He's actually scared because he thinks I'm going to jinx his sorry no good ass into 2004! Like I could ever be that mean to him... Hey, mate, doesn't school start tomorrow?

Oh my Merlin!! It DOES!! I've totally forgotten!! I guess with this summer, my mind hasn't really been thinking that this is my final year. This, unlike any other year, is my last year at Hogwarts. Sure, I'm going to miss it, but I think Mum is making me take one year of muggle high school, then go to a muggle college. Mum said, I think, that I'll probably get into some really good college. I do believe Mr. Weasley is going to ask Dumbledore for Mum if he could 'make' me a fake muggle school thing.

Well, since there's school tomorrow, I'm going to end this short. I do need to get some sleep!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 24  
9-1-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Everyone is use to seeing you by now around school! I got a warm welcoming from all my school friends. It's really hard to believe that this is my last year of Hogwarts!

Harry's back for the last year, go figure every chick again wants him. Don't I just feel sooooo sorry for him that's he's got Lavender, and can't go around SCREWING them others...

I didn't make head girl. Dumbledore says I let my grades slip too much last year. God, they've only slipped down a little!!

You'll never believe who everyone also thinks is hott this year. Let's just say, we all just found out he has magical powers. What sucks now is the fact that the Dursley's don't have to deal with Dudley, WE DO! Poor Lupin is stuck with the lard ass...

That reminds me. Christine, remember, Lupin's little cousin? She had to go back to her normal home. At least she'll be back every other weekend like when I'm usually home!!

Okay, that's enough of the perky talk. You know me by now that I'm just dying to burst out into tears. I saw Harry messing around and snogging Lavender after classes. Merlin, how much I wish I could have been in her place today!! At least Ginny told him about my wrist, and she told me she saw him fucking about ready to cry, because he KNOWS  
that it's his fault...

There's no way in hell I'm going to be able to make it through this year, Diary. I can't stand having her in some of my classes!! The cunty ass hoe, I mean.

At least Ron's happy with Parvati and Ginny's happy chasing after Draco and trying to kill Lavender. Do you think it will be possible for me to be happy, ever, again?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 25  
9-17-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I shouldn't be laughing, I should feel sorry for Lavender, but I don't. All night Harry and I were owling each other back and forth. I found out some information I've needed to know for a while, now! All Harry wanted out of Lavender was a blowjob and that's only because Ron said Lavender put out a lot, to Harry? All they've done really besides  
her little strip show was kiss!

Yeah! I couldn't believe it! Of course, Ron's doing the big brother thing for me and he's trying to win Lavender over again for himself. Yes, Parvati knows. Since Parvati and Ron began dating, Lavender and Parvati have hated each other, really.

Now, with Harry, he asked me if he could sneak over and we could have some 'fun'. You can only guess with the way Harry's mind has turned on him what he wanted.

He was also asking a bunch of personal questions. I'm not going to write them down but they are VERY personal... So yeah...

I wish I could write down that I said no but you should know me better than that. It's like I can't say no to Harry! Let's say... Ron asked for answers to a Potions problem that was very complex, sure, I'd help him, but I'd never give him the answer, Harry, though? I'd help him with it, give him the answer, and then do the rest of it!! I think that's why people always have Harry ask me things instead of them...

There was only one thing: He had to sneak out. Mc Gonagall's really buckled down. Seems the cloak wouldn't even work!! Harry couldn't get into my dorms.

I'm supposed to keep quiet. We're going to keep this on the down low. You know I'm going to tell Luna, though. I tell Luna everything!

Now I'm really regretting cutting my stomach open. I have a huge, deep slit right across my stomach. I bloody think I got glass in it, again!! --Sighs--  
-Hermione  
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Entry 26  
9-20-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Yes!!!!! Harry broke up with Lavender!!! I hope she fucking feels good, the bitch!!!

One thing, I don't!!... OW!!!!!!!!! My stomach hurts like no other! This is short, but yeah... I'm in class, so I can't write much... (Well you idiot it will hurt if you cut it how many times did I tell you that! –Erin)  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- I too wish that Harry would go through some pain for what he's done to Hermione. There's only one thing, Hermione and Harry have drifted apart and she doesn't know what's going through Harry's head. Right now, at least. She finds out later (this isn't in an entry, so I'll tell ya'll now) that Harry was crying through most of her self-  
mutilating. -- Jackie)


	11. Entries Twenty Seven through Thirty One

  
  
Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot and that's it.  
  
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Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers!!! You guys really did it in this time for yourselves!! Eight of you have reviewed so far!! Keep on sending' them reviewers, I love them!! BubblyBubbles365, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, missradcliffe (she reviewed chapter nine), sugas love, NightDreamer13, scorpio-1983, and Miranda G. Potter!! Thanks ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 27  
9-25-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Sorry the last entry was so short. Snape began to notice I wasn't taking notes. Lavender is now begging for my forgiveness. Should I give into her? Look at what she did to me!!

Parvati's sister, Padma, is starting to hang out with Ron, Ginny, Harry and me. She's awesome! You'd never guess we had a lot in common! One thing we don't have in common, though, for sure is the fact that Padma's bisexual. Ron thinks that is awesome. Personally, I think Ron's just trying to get both Padma and Parvati in bed.

Ron broke up with Parvati today, though. He found out she'd cheated on him with Seamus. Both Ron and Parvati were really in love, but now Ron's going for Padma. He's probably going to get her. Ron's like my big brother and he's an awesome guy, but he's a player. Major.

Again, I'm so sorry to cut this short, but there's tons of homework to get done!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 28  
9-28-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm never going to trust Lavender again but I'm going to try being her friend. I hope she understands it's never going to be the same again, because by dating Harry like she did, she backstabbed me because she knows how much I love him. I think out main reason we got to be friends again is because to both of our break-ups with Harry, be broke up with us to try and get one person: Cho Chang.

Ron and Padma got together. Parvati feels really betrayed. I can see both points of views, though. It's just like what Lavender did me and I sort of did to Ginny, but Ginny, as far as I know, never dated Harry.

That's all the good news I have for you, though, Diary. The rest is what I'm going to murder Cho for!

She's back for the rest of the school year. I don't know why and I don't plan on asking. She looks like she's putting out, though. Harry is going on about being a 'free bird'!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 29  
10-5-97  
  
Dear Diary,

If someone finds Cho Chang's head floating in the lake, I swear, I'm not the one who did it! Merlin, I only bloody wish!! Can't you tell that she's going out with Harry?!

I got a jealousy problem, don't I?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 30  
10-7-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Everyone said I could never do it! Everyone said I could never say no to Harry! Guess what? HA! I proved them wrong!! Of course, he wanted to take the Red Ragtop, Mum's car, to go fuck Cho... Would Hermione let that happen? Oh hell no!!

Ron was over here at my house, talking to Padma on my cell phone when Harry called here, telling me to let him talk to Ron. So, I let him. They talked for a few minutes, then Ron handed me back the phone, saying Harry needed to talk to me. He started begging me to that the car because Cho was at her muggle grandparents, who know nothing of magic, and everyone around here, is a witch or wizard. Hints: Hermione's car.

Do you know how pissed off I got? Bloody bell, we were throwing CDs at each other, tackling each other, the works for it when it comes to fighting without getting... Uh... Violent. I was about ready to sock him in the face, though, Diary. That's bad! I don't like hitting people, let alone the man I love!

So, yeah, I got really angry. At one point, Ginny came over. Both of them locked Ron and I in my room. I told Ron he either busts the window or I was going to start crying. Luckily, Ron got Harry to open up the door and he went out to talk to him Me, on the other hand, went and slammed the door, put in a heavy metal CD that I'd borrowed from Padma, blasted that in my ear phones, turned out the light, and laid down in bed crying.

A few minutes after that, Harry, Ron, and Ginny came back into the room. Harry took off my headphones as Ginny turned on the light. I started bitching at Harry to give me back the music and for Ginny to shut off the light. That's when Harry whispered, "I'm sorry," and leaned down and kissed me. I guess he asked Ron what the fuck would clam my ass  
down, huh?

Well, I got to feeling better. That's when Harry asked me if he could talk to me alone. At first, I was asking for what, and then he just told me to come on, so I got up. As soon as I got up, Dudley came up the stairs, telling Harry to get home because Lupin was wondering where the fuck he was.

Now with everyone gone because my parents got him, I'm stuck in bed trying to figure out what Harry wanted to tell me. I can't wait till Monday to get back to school and tell Luna and Hannah this!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 31  
10-13-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Yes! I know for sure now that Harry's NOT going out with Cho! Officially, I mean. He's supposedly got three girls like that, and I know Cho's one and I'm one (he said, not me), and I just... Don't know... who the third one is. Anyways, I was happy for at least some of the day. I'm going write down the letters I wrote to Harry and Ginny. These letters are to never see the eyes of anyone, especially not Gin!!

Yeah... These letters kind of deal with what happened last night. We sort of had a sleep out in the common room, but Padma joined us (with Ron's choice). Just so you know, we all ended up on the couch! All FIVE of us...  
  
Ginny,

You know I read the goddamn fucking poem (I'll write it n a minute) of yours! You meant for me to, didn't you? I know that you did! I want to know what you and Harry do (they mess around like Harry and I do. Do you think she's the other woman?). I want to know ALL that Harry does with other girls! Yeah, I know, I'm going to get pissed. You  
fucking get pissed at me for doing anything with him. You say I'm a bad fucking friend; at least I care for your feelings! Who was the one grabbing him when we were both laying on him? Oh, I know! YOU were! Not ME! You should know if you're any fucking friend of mine that I'm a people pleaser. I say things to others and usually never mean them, at all. Joke the whole whore things? People pleaser there Bitch! II do think you're a whore, but I'm never going to admit it to you. Why do you think I tell/told you and Lavender to go for Harry? Because I know that you both want to. Back when I first started going out with Harry, yes, I fucking did care what you were thinking. Harry is the one who told me not to worry about it, though. Now the whole Dean thing, I didn't know  
when he asked me out that you were dating him, okay? I didn't say yes at first, though. I was still; well, still am, in love with Harry. It had only been about a month since he broke up with me. Then I decided that I could use Dean to get over Harry and make everyone think I was done with him. I'm good at fooling people, (uhh Jackie keep telling yourself that because I think that me and Janelle can see though most you disguises! -(Erin) you know that? When I really want to... That's why Mum says I'd make a good actress. None of you knew when I said I went outside to 'think' I was really fucking throwing up; you  
didn't know I had your poem... I've gotten really good at hiding things from every fucking body. I wrote this to calm down, but it's not working, god damn it! Anyways, I'm pissed, at whom? At everybody these fucking days!! FUCK YOU!!  
-Hermione  
  
See how pissed I was? Mostly all because I read this crappy, well, actually, it isn't, but still... little poem that the bitch wrote. It's titled 'Part time': (she's got horrible spelling, so I'm just going to write it down with correct spelling) You cuddle with her but yet you say  
you like me When I'm with you I feel like a queen Some people say your (grammar error!) playing me but I don't seem to mind I'm just glad to have you even if it is part time You mean the world to me I don't know where I'd be if you where ever with me when you were driving in the car with me that me and the world to me I wonder if we could ever be

That's Ginny's poem. She even told me it was talking about Harry!! I'm a jealous person, I have no problem saying it, but you tell me what if you found one of your best friends writing that... Anyway, here's Harry's letter. It's more... Calm.  
  
Harry-

You'll never get this, so I'm just going to write whatever. I'm sorry for not putting out 'good', I really am. Having you made me feel so safe. Corny, I know, but truer than hell. Not many these days can really make me smile, know that? I don't mean the forced smiles I use  
during school but real smiles, same with my laughing. Any one who can make me laugh is good in my book, but someone who can make me laugh like you is different. The only reason why I don't want you, Ginny, and Ron to take the Red ragtop is because I don't want Mum to ground me, and then drag me out of Hogwarts and everything. Mostly, I just want to see you because there's something about having you near that makes everything  
better to me. Like when I was bawling about my Mum when she got into an accident and hard to go to the hospital. No one could calm me down but just a simple hug and "It'll be alright, I promise. Love you," from you. We weren't even going out that time when you told me you loved me! When I lay on your stomach last night, I could hear your heart beating. All I could think about is wanting to be able to hear that for the rest of my life. I'm sorry for inflicting pain upon myself when I'm angry. I've tried to stop, I wanted you to know that. When Lavender and you started going out, though... I was pissed. Harry, you weren't the same! I never saw you! That's probably why I started cutting and all... Sorry, started crying there. It's... No one gets this, okay? I love you so much it hurts insides and there's just not enough room to hurt this much. I feel l need to move the inside pain out, so I'll get you off my mind. When I was away in the USA, you know I wanted to go home. It just wasn't home. Did you think that I wanted to just get back and snog you more than anything? I like doing all the 'sexual' things with you; in fact, I've wanted to fuck you almost since I first started loving you. I just like snogging a lot more. With occasionally --more-- than just that... I feel so bad for loving you, but I can't stop. There I've written down most of my feelings, I think. Now to hide this in my little box of notes that no one ever finds... I love you.

Love Always and Forever,  
-Hermione  
  
There is a big change in the two of them, isn't there?  
-Hermione


	12. Entries Thirty Two through Thirty Four

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot but not the characters.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! NightDreamer13, helloppl, sugas love, Miranda G. Potter, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, and another new reviewer, brit!! Thanks ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 32  
10-15-97  
  
Dear Diary,

They did it. Well, we all did it. Ron was driving, Padma in the front sear with him, Ginny, Harry, and I were in the backseat. My poor, poor Red Ragtop...

Ron even fucking made us go into a ditch. TWICE! One time it was on purpose, the other? It wasn't!! The time it was on purpose, though, was because we went through it to ramp over a hill... We also did backwards donuts. I'm lucky I had Harry there to hold on to, because I was freaking out... Yeah...

I know now Harry does care for my protection even in the stupidest pranks we all pull off. Padma had the radio blaring with heavy rock music and my head was already killing me. Harry covered my ears, holding my hands in the process like we always use to do when we were in an awkward position.

We got so lucky that this weekend people were stealing gas. When we left the house we had 1/2 tank of gas. We got home? It's less than 1/4 of the way full!!

I need to go. Have to go back to school tomorrow and that sucks!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 33  
10-17-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Lupin! The Lupin all of us love... Or loved, now, is an ass! I mean, I'd be pissed to if Harry had missed a day of school then came home wasted off his ass, but still!!!

Lupin slammed Harry's head against the door, Diary!! I fucking heard that and started bawling. I know it happens to Ginny and Ron, I guess I've adapted to the thought of it, but Lupin?

I feel horrible. Look at what I've been doing to myself, Harry's trying to get me to stop, then he goes off with Cho and ends up getting hurt when he got home? Bullshit...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 34  
10-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm totally disgusted with myself. Never, ever again are Ginny and I going to play Quidditch against Harry and Ron. I refuse! I'm technically already fucking letting Ron have sex with me because I didn't want to give him head! (Oh Jackie that is so much better, give head or keep virginity OH WAIT YOU CAN'T DECIDE ANYMORE! -Erin)

Ginny and I lost against them at Quidditch. Go figure, I'm on the team, but yeah... It all started out with Harry 'wanting' some out of Ginny or me. Ron somehow got added into the game and it turned out to be either Ginny had to 'eat me' out (she's bi) or Harry had to suck Ron (he won at Exploding Snaps). So, us girls lost.

You don't know how badly I didn't want that do happen between Ginny and me. I was fucking flipping out trying to find ways out of it! The two minds of Harry and Ron came out with this: Ginny had to suck Harry and I had to do the same to Ron.

Again, I didn't want to do that. I only do that to guys I actually like that, which only happens to be Harry. Sure, if you would have told me to do that now with my thoughts back of Ron back in like... 1st or 2nd year, things might be different. But now, NO! So, I had to tell him something sexual and something he would like. I hate having a mouth  
that now talks for itself without issuing my brain first. It blurted out, "You can do whatever you want to me instead." That's exactly what it was.

I'm glad I can block out most of the things happening to me. I just move in response to whatever happens. I just remember having to kiss him a few times.

There's one thing he could do, though, and that was have sex with me as he planned. Diary, it's messed up!! He's got Padma, you know!! Merlin... He still wants to, though, and now he's got black mail on me because I didn't do it. What the bloody hell should I do?  
  
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(A/n -- I'm going to leave you guys at this for now, turning point for Hermione? I'd think so... Just remember: She feels really, really bad for all of this. You guys can go ahead and call her a slut; I guess she technically IS one, isn't she? Well... Review, please!! --Jackie)  
  
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	13. Entries Thirty Five through Thirty Nine

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot (I'd better own it) but not the characters.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!!! BubblyBubbles365 (Who actually reviewed Chapter 11, too), brit, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Who actually reviewed Chapter 11, too), Miranda G. Potter, missradcliffe, and another new reviewer, drxd!! Thanks ya'll!!! :D  
  
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Entry 35  
10-21-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm such a tease! Okay, as you know by now, Harry's become a sex freak. He was trying his best to get me to give him a blowjob. His very, very best! I was still refusing, though. We were laying down in my dorm (Mc Gonagall wasn't there. She was at a meeting. So, no one to watch the commons.) And it was all just too funny!! He was playing with me, trying to get my pants undone, just anything his mind could think of, Diary, he was begging like no other! Like I said, it was funny.

One bad thing, though, Ginny walked in on us! I mean, I feel sorry for her and many times did Harry have to convince me not to worry about her, but she called me a slut. I mean... Sure. I don't care when others call me it. I call myself it!! This is my best friend, though...

Okay, anyways. Finally he got my pants undone and I figured that was a hard thing to do, so I gave him head till he was halfway there. Then, I made us switch positions because I had been on the bottom. Now, I was on top when Ron came in, but as soon as I saw Ron, I made us switch back positions.

Harry freaked out on Ron. All the while, I was laughing. Ron seemed to want a laugh because he told Harry to rip my tang top right down the middle, like he had done to Padma's just yesterday. I told him not to, but Harry did it anyways, so Ron and him got a good view of my breasts!

Ron left, so I went back to teasing Harry. Then I brought up Cho!! Burn!!!... Sorry, I've been watching too many of my cousin James's American cartoons... Harry didn't like that idea. Truth be told, neither did I, but yeah. I made him beg even more, just remember, he was halfway there! Finally, he found the one thing I wanted, which was just a bloody kiss! I almost finished off my job, but right before he came, I got up and left the room. Sound mean? Harry didn't think I had it in me to be mean to him like that!

All in all, that was a lot of fun. Now, I have to kill Ron because I had to put on my cover-up before I could leave the room since Harry bloody ripped by shirt down the middle! There's only one real reason why I want to kill Ron. He never ripped Padma's shirt!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 36  
10-24-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Ginny bloody cut her wrist! I've stopped, yet she's started! She fucking did that and is going to try to starve herself all because of what happened between Harry and me! I feel bad for her but I don't know how to get her to stop without making myself feel pain, too.

I'm starting to wonder on Harry's friendship, too. I mean, we talk and all that, but tonight when he left for bed, he said bye to everyone but me! When we do talk, it's sparse talk. I still want to be his friend, just not his friend with benefits... There's also a late-Halloween dance coming up soon. The 2nd, I think. Padma really wants us to go and so does Parvati. I know for sure Ron is going with Padma and that I'm going. We're all trying to talk Harry into it. To going with me, I mean. I really hope he can get out of training because  
the dance is on a weekend that he has to go with Lupin for his training...

There's one thing, though. I... I've been bad. Nothing that could kill me!! Unless Padma is going to... I kissed, well... Ron kissed me, too! Yeah... Twice, okay? I love Harry but I'm sort of starting to like Ron, I guess. Eh, see, that crush is gone already. Fast, huh?  
-Hermione

(1,2,3,4...sorry trying to see how many people kill you for that-Erin)  
  
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Entry 37  
10-25-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Mate... Draco Malfoy slapped my arse! He is sort of cute... We were all outside and Draco came over and al with some alcohol. Good stuff; just don't know what the hell you call it! Harry was gone, though. Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff match, which we (Ron, Ginny, Padma, and I) didn't attend, so, Harry went with Cho...

I'll get back to Harry when I tell you what else Draco did to me. He sort of did the slapping my arse when no one was watching. At one point, when I swear he was staring at my arse, he told me to go over to him. I didn't though, because I had been looking for my lost cell phone.

Okay, Mae, Luna, Hannah, and Susan did go to the fame however. Hannah doesn't talk to Harry, really none of my friends out of Gryffindor (other than Lavender --rolls eyes-- and Grace) talk to Harry. Anyways... Hannah saw Harry with Cho and although Luna and Mae told her to stay away from him, Hannah went up and told him I wanted him back! If  
Cho doesn't kill her first, I'm going to. How much trouble do you think I'd get into if I killed her?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 38  
10-27-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Nothing major has happened. I'm just lying outside at home in my PJ's, watching the moon. Padma, Ginny, Ron, and yet another Patil (little sister, though) named Mandi are inside of my house. Mum and Dad are out, still. I'm actually just out here because A.) It's the only quiet place and B.) Harry's suppose to be over soon. Good goblets... Earlier Ron told Harry I deserved one good day, right? Yeah, I might deserve that, but... Well, they got it planned to where Harry's 'pose to snog me. It really does sound like fun, but Diary, I don't know...

My little 'crush' on Draco is over. How fast them crushes do die out!

I miss Harry.

You knew that was coming, didn't you? You could only figure...

The moon, I swear, is killing me. I love Harry so much! Yet I know I can never again be with him. How I wish I could, though. Oh! I saw the most adorable little girl today. She had Harry's hair yet my eyes!! I badly want a child now...

This sucks!! Love, I mean, sucks!  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- This next entry is where I'm going to lose a lot of you reviewers, I know I am. This entry is where things get totally messed up and I'm sorry. Really, really sorry... --Jackie)  
  
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Entry 39  
10-28-97  
  
Dear Diary,

He remembered...

That should sum it up right there, shouldn't it? I stayed up all night helping Ron finish a late project in... I think it was Magical History. We were supposed to gather information on one certain time era's witch hunters. Rather boring if you ask me. Ron had Ginny cover up a board for him and since I had the best handwriting I wrote everything  
out for him. Hey, I didn't want to see a crying Padma because if Ron didn't get this done, he'd get a detention, which would be scheduled for the night of the dance.

Ginny, Ron, Colin Creevy (who I have no clue why he was there), and I planned to sleep in the common room. It was getting really late, you know, and I was about to pass out if I didn't lie down! Ron moved Colin off of where I was supposed to lay. So, I thanked him, then laid down on the couch. Pretty soon, about when I was almost asleep, Ron laid down  
next to me. The couch could easily fit two people, so I didn't really care. Then, he leaned over and put his arm around me. Oh, big bro, who cares. I'm warm! Then we kissed. Major mistake! One kiss led to another, and...

Diary, that was nothing how I wanted my first time to be. I wanted it to be with Harry. I wanted it to be more romantic! In a way, I could have said no, but I didn't. I just let it happen.

At first you know, because I was a virgin, it hurt really badly. Ron's probably got scratch marks on his back from me being in so much pain! So, that was round one for the night. Two came after I felt better. Really, I'm surprised. The second time felt kind of... Different. I mean it's not better than kissing, though. Kissing Harry I mean. Nothing is better than that! At least I could...

Who am I trying to fool? I knew it was Ron, I couldn't pretend it was Harry though I tried my best to. No one, Diary, is going to know this besides you, me, Ron, and Luna (I tell her everything, you know!). If Harry or Ginny ask, even though they're my best friends, or Padma/Parvati... To all of them, I'm a virgin till Harry or someone 'takes' it away from me... Again. It isn't rape, though, you know, just because, of course, I let it take part. I have to go.  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- I'm stopping this chapter here, though I know it's not much. There's just a lot of shock, I think... --Jackie)


	14. Entries Forty and Forty One

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers: Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, BubblyBubbles365, NightDreamer13, and LunaLovegood who reviewed Chapter  
11 & 13. To one reviewer unparticular, though, I'd like to ask... Kyme/Kelsey... If this story is too graphic for young readers, why are they reading it? This is rated R for a reason... Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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(A/n -- Thanks so much for this bunch of reviewers who stuck with me even though what happened between Hermione and Ron!!! Ya'll are the best!!! : D: D: D – Jackie (Do you think I would leave you? I think that this could be counted as a publicity stunt you got more reviewers in! -Erin))  
  
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Entry 40  
10-30-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Just a few more days till I'm in my muggle clothing for the dance!! Yeah, Dumbledore told us we could wear muggle clothing for this dance. Padma picked out my attire. My hair is up mostly with a layer of it still staying down. The rest is up in a bun, with occasional strands hanging down. All of my hair is curled; luckily it's not frizzy like normal! The, you know that girlie-stuff called make-up? I'm wearing it. Mostly shades of red or pink, because my dress is a reddish pink colour.

Grace is trying to get Harry not to go with me! Do you know how unfair this is to me? It took Ron, Padma, and I like... Forever to try and make Harry promise that he'd go with me!!

Parvati's being a major bitch, Ron still loves her, though, but not as much as he did. He's wrapped up in Padma...

No, if you're thinking, why is she going on like nothing happened a few days ago? She lost one of the most important things in her LIFE to him!! It's true; I can never look at Ron in the way he used to be in my life. He was my protector, the one who always watched out for me... He still does do that, just... Now it's no the same...

I told Ginny. I know, I wasn't going to tell her, but she found you and turned to the last page. You know what entry it was!! So, after she started crying, saying that I must not count her as one of my best friends... Yeah. I gave in to her and told her.

She was shocked. I mean, I'm like her big sister and then Ron's her big brother... I just hope she keeps her mouth shut. I told her and Luna both if they tell it'll be their heads floating in the lake, not Cho's!!

Before I wrap up this entry, I'm going to write down a poem I just  
thought of. It's titled: 'Criss Cross' Criss cross...

Life repeating...  
With no more hopes or dreams...

Hiding from the life I've feared...  
Cornered in my mind...

The once brother I looked up to...

Is no longer there...

I see how we were...

It's like I don't even care...

With all my heart, I love him dear...

Just not in the ways now shown...

I'm in for another, who's off with his other...

Criss cross...

I see one...

I see the next...

All so restless...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 41  
11-3-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I did get to go to the dance with Harry. We had a blast! Then, I made some friends of Padma named Sara and I think his name was Chase... I saw Parvati throughout the night, too.

Most of the time, Ron and Padma were holding each other, dancing. Harry and I were, too. He was behind me, though, our hands were how they used to be... My head resting on his shoulder... I swear, I even heard him whisper, "I love you," once!! It felt so right!!

On our way back to the common rooms, Ron and Harry wanted to run (we had the dance down in the dungeons). Padma and I told them they could if A.) They carried our shoes and B.) Harry kissed me.

So, Harry and I kissed. When it started, we were sort of far apart, as a kiss would go. By the end of it, we were right next to each other and our arms were around each other.

When we (Padma and I) started walking, Padma told me Sara had said something about how it looked like Harry still really liked me! That'd be awesome if he did... She also commented on how long Harry and I kissed... Oops! --Smiles--

We went to the common to gather our things. Us four were suppose to stay at my house because my parents weren't home... We were all suppose to... Yeah know... The boys had even run through the tunnels, to Hogsmeade's, and got condoms! Anyways... We had to wait, though, because our train left at two. All of us were just sitting around. Padma was sitting on Ron's lap while I was sitting in Harry's, very comfortable, by the way. --Smiles--

We just sat around and talked. Ends up that Harry couldn't stay my house, which sucks!!! It made me really, really sad!!

One thing that Ginny told me, she said Harry said that last night.... Last night I was supposedly the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen!! I don't believe it, though. Who could think I'm the most beautiful thing? What about Cho? What about Lavender? I should be happy, you know, but I don't feel like I am because of that. I mean I had a great time last night!! I just feel like to Harry it means nothing to him. --Sighs--  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- The next entry is really long. So, I'll wait for five good reviews on this chapter, and then I'll post the long one... Okay? Thanks ya'll!! : D -- Jackie)


	15. Entry Forty Two

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, LunaLovegood, NightDreamer13, brit, sugas love, and THREE new reviewers!!! AuthorChick, Meaka and xo-missy-xo!! Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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(A/n -- The reason why this entry is so long is because most of it is Padma and Hermione's conversation... -- Jackie)  
  
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Entry 42  
11-5-97  
  
Dear Diary,

If Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, OR George... Oh and me... If we mess up one more time around home, not at school for four of us named, we're dead. We'll go to what muggles call juvenile hall or something like that. So... No more Ron and Padma having sex on my bed. No more taking the Red Ragtop. No more smoking pot or cigarettes.

Seems like a peachy life, right? I just hope I get to see Harry still! What if Lupin makes him go back into training? I'll just die...I mean, come on, I'm a teenager! We all think our life revolves around that one special person. There's only one thing, though. Mine really does.

He, Diary, is the only thing in my entire life that makes me not want to kill myself. I mean, my friends somewhat do, but not really. I still love them and all... But Harry is the ONLY thing! Aunt Jo's taken Dawn from my life. Remember last time I tried to actually kill myself I mentioned Dawn and Harry? They were the only things...

Padma and I talked over the Internet that Dumbledore gave to us. I'm going to write down the important things in our conversation, because they're suppose to make me happy, you know... I'm Granger7, of course, and Padma is Patil2.  
  
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Patil2: Well, just remember that I'm going to make sure that you two fuck. Even if I have to stay in the room!! LoL.  
  
Granger7: LoL. I remember that part all right... (Harry) "We can fuck on our own, Padma!" (Padma --eyes covered--) "I'm not trusting you! Just get it over already and fuck her!" (Me) "I'm in the room, too, you know..."  
  
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Patil2: Oh and when you see Ron tell him that I love him and I always will, okay? Cause I didn't get to talk to him today...  
  
Granger7: Got it. I'll tell him for you.  
  
Patil2: Did you talk to Harry today?  
  
Granger7: --shakes head-- I saw him, though.  
  
Patil2: I'm sorry. Well, I'm going to make him go back out with you, but he's going to want to in the end.  
  
Granger7: What do you mean by he won't want it to end? What if Ginny or Cho like... Yeah?  
  
Patil2: No, I said he will be saying yes in the end after I get the idea in his head that you two will go back out and if they do anything to him when you two are going out, I will freak out on them, okay? How is that?  
  
Granger7: LoL. Sounds good... I guess. As long as I get another two  
minute kiss... LoL.  
  
Patil2: (U) (Y) (X) (L) that's how it's going to work.  
  
Granger7: What's that? All I know is what the (L) means and that's a heart... This computer that Dumbledore gave me sucks!  
  
Patil2: Oh. It's a broken heart, which leads to a boy plus a girl, which equals a fixed heart. Okay?  
  
Granger7: Okay. That sounds good to me. I still can't believe what Sara said, though. About the whole she thought Bret still liked me... Other than what you told me earlier about the kiss and the way he was touching me in the pictures --smiles--, is there anything else really that makes you think that, too? Like, has he said anything?  
  
Patil2: Um... I don't know. Well, remember when you showed him your dress and he told you to go put it on cause you probably looked hot in it? What about that? Remember?  
  
---  
  
Patil2: Did he tell you that he loved you when you two were going out?  
  
Granger7: Yes. Like... a lot of times during the first round. Then the second time it wasn't as much, but he still told me that he loved me.  
  
Patil2: Well, if he said it before, he's always going to mean it. You can't love someone one day and not mean it another. Once you say it, you're always going to remember and mean it.  
  
Granger7: You know I just want to know where my heart's being led to the junkyard or heaven. You know... I want to know if I should like... Give up ALL My heart to him. There's just a little bit in there that's not been taken by him... Yet. Yeah, that's true what you said. Thanks, Pad.  
  
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Patil2: HARRY LOVES HERMIONE!  
  
Granger7: LoL!!  
  
Patil2: Where did you go?  
  
Granger7: Nice, Padma.. Nice. Oh, I just went to the bathroom.  
  
Patil2: Oh. What did I do? That HARRY LOVES HERMIONE? Well, it's true! It always will be, too, because it takes a minute to meet someone, a day to like someone, and a week to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.  
  
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Patil2: But, I love Ron to death and I'm serious, Hermione. I never want to lose him because I'm not sure what I would do... Since he's been in my life, I can't remember being happy prior to him.  
  
Granger7: Same with Harry. Except, I did in a way lose him... I turn into a psycho person when I see him with Cho or Ginny or if I hear him talking about Lavender. Any of that sort, you know.  
  
Patil2: Yeah... You just need to bloody talk to Ginny about that because that's bull. She knows how you feel, so she needs to back the fuck off! AND IF YOU DON'T TELL HER, I WILL!  
  
Granger7: But then she'll start in on how she technically knew about him first and how she did met him before I did. Then, she'll tell me how she 'loved' him before I did...  
  
Patil2: Well, you dated him before she did. You had him before she did and he loved you, no, loves you, before she did or had.  
  
Granger7: I think... I hope.  
  
Patil2: You did. I'm sure.  
  
Granger7: You are? Did you ask him? Or her...?  
  
Patil2: Well, I will and I'm probably right cause I think that Harry thinks of Ginny as a piece of arse that he won't tell anyone about. Just don't tell her I told you that, okay?  
  
Granger7: Okay. I won't. I personally think all he wants from her is head... Just like I think that's all he wants/ed from me, what he wants from Cho, and what he wanted from Lavender and such...  
  
---  
  
Granger7: You know what the best part of sleeping through the night with them (with clothes)?  
  
Patil2: The fact that they hold you all night or those they're there when you wake up?  
  
Granger7: Well, that too, but laying your head on their chest and hearing their heartbeat. Knowing that you want to spend the rest of your nights hearing just that heart beating in your ear while he holds you tight.  
  
Patil2: Oh my god. Hermione... I'm going to bloody start crying because I miss Ron so much! I've wanted to fall asleep like that for a long time, now, with Ron. Seriously! No lie...  
  
Granger7: I'm sorry. I just... I just always remember that.  
  
Patil2: Well, I'm not going to cry. It's not your fault. I just miss Ron.  
  
Granger7: Cause you know that one night that you, Ron, Harry, me, and Ginny all tried to sleep on the couch?  
  
Patil2: Yes, I remember that. My head was lying on Harry's legs all throughout the night. What, did you use his chest as a pillow or something and listen to his heart?  
  
Granger7: I was all curled up, laying on Harry and all... Ginny was grabbing him (the little bitch) but anyways... During one of the many times I tried to get comfortable, I laid down on his chest, his arms were around me. I swear, at that very second, I mean I'd thought about it before and all, but I knew for sure all I wanted to hear every night for the rest of my life was that heart being.  
  
---  
  
Patil2: Yeah... --sighs-- The only reason I did what I did with him is because I was trying to show him how much I love him.  
  
Granger7: I know the feeling of that. Feel like if you don't do that, maybe if you don't even want to, they won't understand how much you care for them?  
  
Patil2: Yeah.  
  
Granger7: I think that's what Ron told me Harry broke up with me for. Actually like I either didn't want to 'put out' or I didn't 'put out'.  
  
Patil2: Well, did you or didn't you?  
  
Granger7: Most of the time, I did. Again, though, some of the times Ginny was around. She gets in the way of things when it comes to Harry. Really? It fucking sucks but I feel like I got to be a good friend and respect her feelings for him, too.  
  
Patil2: Well, he's missing out on something incredible, Hermione. I can tell you that because Sara and I were talking and she popped up and started talking about how beautiful she thought you were and I had to agree with her because it's true.  
  
Granger7: Really? I don't see myself like that. I see you all in front  
of me. You guys all mean more to me than I mean to myself, you know.  
  
Patil2: Yeah. That's how I feel. I would put a higher price on all of you then I would on myself.  
  
Granger7: Same here. That's what it comes down to with Ginny and Harry, too, you know. I want to give him to Ginny because if I don't then I feel like I'm not being a good friend. If I do that, though, then I'm hurting myself in the process.  
  
Patil2: Hey babe, I know that you want to be a good friend and everything, but you can't do that to yourself. If it came to it, I would advise you to take him because if Ginny is a real friend, she won't let a guy come between you two. I should know because of Parvati...  
  
That's what our conversation went like for the day. This is only little parts of it, though, because my hand hurts from writing out all that I did!! Our actual conversation is like... almost eighteen pages long in size 12 font from the thing that muggles call the Internet. It's a really useful thing, truth is told. Well, I'm going to go to bed.

-Hermione


	16. Entries Forty Three through Forty Nine

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Miranda G. Potter (chapter 14 & 15), I own you an apology because I forgot to include you in the last thanks!! I'm sorry... Thanks for also pointing out that in Chapter 15; I called Harry Bret once on accident... Again, I'm sorry. My other reviewers who I own thanks to are missradcliffe (chapter 14), Lilli who is a new reviewer and she reviewed every chapter!! Her reviews got me over 100 reviews!!  
Thanks, Lilli! Again, other reviewers who I own thanks to are Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, BubblyBubbles365, and another new reviewer, Monkeyfeet180!! Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 43  
11-6-97  
  
Dear Diary,

They've pushed me to the last fucking straw! Diary, Ron and Ginny are going to be off in a fucking foster home because of these god damn people who don't know what the hell they believe in any more. Then, according to Lupin, I'm... Wait, he just said that Harry wasn't allowed at my house. That's the same as saying we're not allowed to see each other, really! Didn't I just get done saying that if I couldn't see Harry; I was just going to kill myself? Yes... I believe I did...

You see if I don't have Harry, I have nothing. He helps me get through life! Seeing his face in the morning makes me get through my classes knowing that when I get back into the common room, I'll see that face looking at me, smiling as he talks to Ron while I'm watching him as I talk to Ginny. It might sound corny, but it's true.

Oh, Mc Gonagall and I got into another fight. She fucking scratched me and was hurting me! I can't tell, though, because I do still like Mc Gonagall. She's like a mother to me when I'm at school. The fights we get into are just mother/daughter ones, you know... Only Ginny knows about our fight and that's because she was right there when it all happened.

All of this is my fault you know that? If I weren't a witch or if I wasn't alive, everyone in this entire world would be better off from me not being here. Harry could live his love life in peace, Ginny could have a better friend who didn't take her for granted with her  
feelings, Ron could live his life knowing that he didn't have sex with someone who is like his little sister, Luna could live her life without someone always asking her for advice on what to do in her screwed up life, my parents would only have to worry about themselves... See what I mean? Everyone would be so much better off if I was dead!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 44  
11-7-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Well, someone came around and asked me a bunch of questions about my eye and why it was so scratched up. I've been raised not to lie to adults but this one... Well, I did tell the truth to, but I guess I wasn't supposing to. This man, Ken Becker, was a Social Worker for a school, if that's what you'd call it. Someone had reported what happened to my eye... Yeah... I hope Mc Gonagall doesn't lose her job because of my nitwitted mind!!

Most of the day after I got home, I hung out with Grace, Dudley, Harry, and this girl who live around where I live, Kayla and her cousin, Ashley. I did NOT like the Ashley person. First off, she likes Ron. Second off, Harry thinks she's hot. Third off, she let Harry be all  
over her in front of me. Forth off, she thinks Harry's hot, too!!! Grrr... Yeah. She's a prude, though. She does nothing with the guys except let them grab her breast and that such. Sorry. You really haven't seen me in this type of mood all of your life, have you, again sorry. Really I shouldn't be mad. I mean, I have no claim on Harry (I know I do  
in my mind, though), do I? He's allowed to do whatever or whomever he wants... AS LONG AS I'M NOT AROUND!!

That brings me to trying to get Grace home. You see, she wasn't really supposed to come back to Devon with me. She was suppose to go to muggle London... Harry wanted to take my Red Ragtop, because Grace lives in a muggle community part of London, and you're not allowed to use magic to get there. It's blocked off from things like floo powder  
usage. Plus, we didn't have any in stock. So, Harry had the keys to my car and my cell phone. When he got my cell phone, we were standing there, at first our hands held there for a second, but quickly both of us pulled away. We seriously were about to kiss, I swear, then Harry said, "Uh... Thanks, Hermione. I need to get Grace home. Thanks!" then he rushed out the door. --sighs--

OH!! The little asshole called me Cho... TWICE! Twice in one bloody day! Once when we were down in the field, playing Quidditch. Well, I wasn't. Dudley, Harry, and Grace were. I've stuck to my refusing to play that stupid game. It's got no meaning to it, really, it doesn't. Then, back with the cell phone, when he asked for it, he called me Cho... Again. He's lucky he had the come back of, "I'm sorry, Hermione. I didn't mean to call you Cho. I'm sorry. I just haven't been around you lately. I'm sorry. You're the Hermione..." then I could have sworn he said, "You're the Hermione I love," but I can't be positive any more about what Harry says.

Yeah... Grace talked to Padma. Padma thinks that Grace likes Harry. Do you think that Grace likes Harry? There's always a possibility, but Grace goes for guys that are  
like... Three or four years older than we are. I don't think she likes Harry...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 45  
11-10-97  
  
Dear Diary,

It's my entire fault. It's my entire fault!!! Padma and Ron broke up today, and it's my entire fault!!!

I guess that Padma got a hold of you, Diary, and she read all of you. All... Of... You... That means she read about Ron and me kissing and Ron and I having sex!! She was crying like crazy, Diary!

See, I ruin everyone's lives!! Ron was planning on breaking up with Padma, according to Harry when we called her, but still...

Padma said she doesn't blame me. How can she not? I'm the one who didn't tell her boyfriend was cheating on her with me sometimes. Not a lot, but still... I'm a horrible friend. Just go ahead and say it, Diary. I am a horrible friend. I am a horrible friend...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 46  
11-11-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Is it bad if I have almost no memory of the past three days? I can remember barely anything... No more memory for me, I guess. I'm hoping I can remember it at least in two days...

Anyways. What I do know is that I went and got Harry supper. He was stuck up in the common room, working. He was starving!! Well, Mc Gonagall told Harry that sure, she'd have the house elves bring Harry up something to eat. Was it the house elves? No. It was me. Me me me... All because they know that I'll give into giving Harry anything in the world... --sighs-- I hate having a mind that works like that at times.

I sat by Ron and Harry today in this one class we all have together, luckily. I was... Well, sort of listening into their conversation. You got to remember, in 5th year, this would have been normal for me to do, but now, it's different. We've all shifted off to our own places...Ron to being the player of his own sort and Harry being a player of his own sort. Then there's me... Well, I heard them talking, right? I heard Harry say something about leaving a fucking vampire mark on Cho's neck? What the bloody hell... I can figure that it is a hickey, but mate, what guy leaves a vampire mark?

You know how I'm obsessed with Harry, right? I went through a whole sheet of parchment with writing "I (L) Harry" on it in really small writing. Ron found it, Diary, and plans on showing it to Harry. I wasn't even done with the back of it!!!!

Before I forget, since I seem to be doing that a lot lately, I got some of the pictures back from the dance. I still have to switch with Padma and Parvati... I have no picture of Harry and me together. I have one of Harry being a hippogriff (don't ask); Harry and Ron; Parvati and her boyfriend, Justin (no, not the one I dated); Ron and Padma; Sara; Sara humping a plastic pumpkin; Christine (I got that while I was at home); Sara's date (I forgot his name...), Sara, and Padma all sitting on each other; Sammi (Mum's cat); Patches (Dad's cat); Padmé; Crookshanks; then Sara and Padma together, acting like they're lesbians. All of them were rather good, I'd say. I just want to get one of Harry and me together. Yes... Just so I can treasure it in my own little world as I hang it up on my mirror wishing that the picture were happening right then and there... :D  
-Hermione   
  
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Entry 46  
11-15-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I can't be pissed at Ginny for my own stupid things. At least Ginny is cool enough to at least say it! Anyways, when it's just Ginny and I playing Quidditch, I really don't care. So, we decided since we were bored, we'd go play some Quidditch... Some reason, I guess I was just in a weird mood, I made her bet whoever won had to go total slut around  
Harry. First time, I should have won because she had a mistake and since we have a messed up way of playing the game, she wasn't suppose to hit the post with the quaffle and she did. So yeah... We got angry at each other so we played another game. This time, she lost twice, but won once. I lost once. So that again got us tied. We resorted to the muggle game of rock-paper-scissors. Pathetic accuses for talented young witches, I know. We did best two out of three and she won. She told me she wasn't going to do that, though, and I really hope she doesn't. I mean... Okay. That was just an accuse to let myself be... Well, seductive. A tease I'd rather say... That way I could just blame it all on the stupid bet, you know!!

I feel like crap. You know why? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. BINGO! I miss Harry is the correct answer! Your prize is... Sorry, Diary, no prize. Except for if you count me rambling on about how comfortable Harry's shirt that I wear to bed practically every night is... Sorry! Well, I need to go. Mum is coming up the stairs to tell me to shut off the light. See how well I know my mum?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 48  
11-15-97  
  
Dear Diary,

God damn it, Harry! He called me up on my cell phone a little after midnight and asked me to sneak him over some of Dad's liquor from the cabinet. Lupin doesn't have the stuff and wizards can't magic up muggle alcohol (which is stronger than wizard's). So... Who's got the muggle parents? I do! Do you know how fucking COLD it is to run about ten blocks in an over-sized hoodie, tang top, and SHORTS in the middle of November? With two cans of alcohol, might I add, in one of the over-sized pockets on the over-sized hoodie I through on after I went outside and noticed it was a tad bit chilly? Exactly my point... Damn it, Harry, you might have got my sick again!! Why do I love you? You make me run things like that to you in the blistering cold! He's so lucky I love him...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 49  
11-15-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I know, shut up and go to bed, right? Harry and Will, his friend, just left with pizza and eggs. All I really wanted to say is: Harry asked me if this had him in it (duh!) and he said he was going to go to a store in town to buy condoms... Why the bloody hell would he tell me that? I'm pretty sure I'm going to bed, now, okay? Sorry again, Diary...  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n -- If I don't update this for a while, it's because I have 'writer's block'. Actually, I'm just up to the point of life that the character Hermione is based off of is at... LoL. So, I guess that counts as writer's block, right? -- Jackie)


	17. Entries Fifty through Fifty Four

  
  
Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! I'm sorry that I've got to wait for my life to keep going on to write with this story, you know... Anyways, here are the reviewers who are sticking' with me!! NightDreamer13, BubblyBubbles365, Monkeyfeet180, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Lilli, missradcliffe, Miranda G. Potter, Scorpio-1983, and a new reviewer, who also happens to be Padma in my story, Kari!! Thanks, ya'll!!!  
  
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Entry 50  
11-17-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm getting fed up with Ginny! She's annoying me like no other! I can't say one thing about Harry without her getting pissed! Yet she expects me to not get angry when she says something about Harry. Then she rambles on about Draco! Yet I can't say a thing about Harry...

She tried to take Harry's shirt that he gave me. You know how fucking protective I am over that! So, I yelled at her, right? Then she said she needed to talk to Harry. Go figure she probably wanted to get him to drift even further away from me!

I miss Harry. It seems like I can't talk to any one any more about my feelings. Ginny gets pissed if I do, I don't want to upset Parvati and Padma, even though I do talk with both of them about Harry. I do talk to Luna but she's never really been in my situation before. It's  
good to talk to her. I just hope that I'm not over-burdening her with all my problems (or Padma and Parvati in that matter), too, you know. Well, I've got to go. Tomorrow we've got school and I still have to finish up homework for Charms.  
-Hermione  
  
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(These next entries are short because they fill up one day... That's why ya'll are getting them now instead...)  
  
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Entry 51  
11-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm sitting in Flitwick's class, so if I cut off, I'm sorry. Mae went to the Quidditch game. Guess who was there? Harry and Cho. You guessed it! Here's the wrap, though, Cho wasn't with Harry most of the night. She was with a guy named Terry Boot or something like that... Terry evidentially tried to beat Harry up before Harry left for Lupin's back in Devon. No wonder why Harry said he was sad when he called me wanting alcohol! He got the shit beat out of him! Mae and Grace also said that he pushed Lavender down a hill. I swear one of them said that he was snogging her and I wonder if the hill thing was just a cover up...

Ginny is angry with me for two reasons. A) Dean Thomas B) Harry. She's the one who called me a fucking slut in her poems!! In all of my one hundred thirty-four poems, not once have I called her a goddamn slut!! Do you know how pissed that got me? The entire train ride back to Hogwarts was us screaming at each other. Poor Luna had to sit through it...

I don't know what is becoming of my friendship with her. I mean, she's like my little sister, but I can't stand her more! All we do is fight fight fight!! On rare occasions to we get along now, Diary.

This is awesome. Flitwick's rambling on about this homework we had and he hasn't noticed that I'm not really paying attention to him... Don't you find that funny? Sorry, I do. I love the fact that I already know all of this stuff!!

Remind me not to think of Harry, please. Besides in my own mind! I can't let Hannah know I'm thinking of him! Now I do have to go. I have to act like I'm taking noted I might write back later if anything interesting happens today.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 52  
11-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I'm still in classes explaining a tribe of witches who... Well, were found out way back centuries ago and they were executed for it. Yeah, I'm in Magical History... somewhat enjoy this class just as long as Binns isn't teaching. His student teacher... Got to go. I'll finish this thought later.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 53  
11-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Sorry I got interrupted during that other entry. Miss Ferra, Binns's student teacher, made us watch a filmstrip and I didn't want to get into trouble.

Good goblets, is it ever cold! I just got in from being outside with Ginny. We had a blast playing out in the rain. That's why I'm getting ready to take a nice hot shower. I'll write more when I get out. Hope Harry doesn't come in. --smiles-- Hey, a girl can wish, can't she?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 54  
11-18-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Mum sent me a package. Normal parents send goodies. My mum sent me glasses. I need them, though. What's weird now is the fact that when I wear them, I can almost see a resemblance between Cho and me. Minus a few things, though: A) She's got less boobs B) She's skinny and C) I'm shorter. Well, there's more that I could write down, but that's what sticks out to me on appearance. Oh and our hair is now about the same color. So yeah...

What if that's the only reason why Harry dated me, because I looked like Cho? That can't be true, though. We didn't look alike any of them times...

On the other hand, what if he's dating her because... Wait. Sorry. They're not dating. Okay. So what if he's got this huge impulse to fuck her... Oh never mind. That sounds so stupid. Stupid to even thing that Harry would like her because she looks like me. Face it. I'm ugly. Just plain old ugly Hermione Granger who happens to be in love with the world's biggest asshole!! God damn it... I'm going to go. I've got to talk to Padma...  
-Hermione


	18. Entries Fifty Five through Sixty Two

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, Monkeyfeet180, Lilli, brit, scorpio-1983, and Lunalovegood (chapters 16 & 17). Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 55  
11-19-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
We're in the Great Hall. Harry's not here... He ate breakfast early because he already has classes. There were just a few moments Diary that I swear through the transparent window, Harry was looking at me. Did he think I was Cho? Did he know it was me who watched his steady gaze till he was out of view? I got this part of a song I heard this  
morning stuck in my head. It goes, "I was the one who gave you your first kiss. I remember cause I said 'Put your lips like this.'" Harry was the one who gave me my first kiss. He never said, "Put your lips like this". He just showed me how to kiss. Maybe that's why I love it when he kissed me. I need to go. I'll try to write back later if anything worth writing about comes along.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 56  
11-19-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Luna and Mae are stuck on calling me Cho!! Do you know what that tells me? Grr... They find it funny how I get so angry. I mean, in a way, it is funny...  
  
I want to go back to the common room because I feel like I am going to get sick. I only got about two more hours of classes, anyways... I've got to go. Snape's going to check around to see what's going on...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 57  
11-19-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
There are not even words to describe how much I miss Harry! I wonder how he is doing in his class at the moment... Shouldn't not really being around him make me grow further away from him? Shouldn't it make me not love him as much as I do? It should, Diary, but it's not.  
  
I hope he doesn't call me Cho now that I somewhat look like her. If he does, oh, I don't!! I don't know. I'll feel horrible! I'll feel like nothing that we've shared meant a thing to him. Not that I don't think that now, but that's beside the point.  
  
I talked to Padma about it. She says she thinks that Harry did say, "I love you" at the dance. Oh Merlin, I ever hope so!! You don't know how happy that'd make me, Diary! Padma is a great friend even after all that's happened with Ron At least she had her friend, Mason, they're to help her out. He comforted her when she was heart broken about Ron. It's not cool that's she's having problems with her mother, either. That reminds me, I need to talk to Parvati.  
  
I think I got a new poem idea!   
  
Holding on to you  
Listening to your heart beat soundly  
Calling out for help  
Right there beside me you stand  
Call me crazy I'm gonna say  
Just listenin' to the rain  
But this, I think, is love...  
  
Sorry. I think I'm going to call that one 'Crazy'. It's short, I know, and it sucks, but I'm sitting in class and all that Flitwick is doing is blah, blah, BLAH! All boring!! Yes! Fifteen more minutes, Diary, and I'm free!! Got to go. Again, I'll write back if there's anything interesting or if I just get bored and want to ramble on about Harry...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 58  
11-19-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I feel like crap. I think tomorrow I'm skipping classes... At least Padmé cares that I'm sick! She's cuddled up next to me watching me write.  
  
That reminds me. Dinner was... Odd. For one minute, Luna thought Harry was hot! LUNA! Luna Michaela Lovegood... Susan told me earlier but I'd up and forgot it till then!  
  
Harry also said something confusing to me. Okay, Ginny was rambling on about how Molly had once dated James Potter (crazy, I know). On accident, she said Harry. Harry and Molly had dated!! She didn't mean to, you know. So... Here's what we all said before Harry left us to go to the boys' dorms...  
  
(Ginny) "Harry, Hermione's saying nasty things about you!"  
(Me) "I am not! You're the one who said he dated your mum!"  
(Harry) "You know, Ginny, I really don't care."  
  
Then he left!! Can you please explain that to me, Diary? I know you can't, but still! Do you think Harry meant he doesn't care what I say? Do you think he meant he didn't care what Ginny said? What if he doesn't care about me at all, Diary? I've thought it before, I know that it's probably true, but still...  
  
Great. I'm going to go cry myself to sleep. Night.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 59  
11-20-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
It's been what, around a month since that happened between Ron and I, right? It's possible that maybe my period could have started right after and I could... You know... Padma thought she was after her and Ron... We didn't use protection... He relied on knowing when he was going to... I CAN'T BE!! I'm not going to write it because if I do, then I would be admitting that I might be... Remember the number 117. That's how much I  
should weigh around, okay? If I weigh over 120... One second, all right? Okay. I weigh 118. I should start around five more days or so. I'll say if I don't start within ten days, I'm going to go to Hogsmeade's and buy a you-know-what test!! I can't be...  
  
At least I get to miss school today just because I don't feel well. I mean it sucks that I'm sick, but I get to watch the American show "Full House". Also, I get to miss Flickwick's and Snape's tests!!  
  
Oh, I haven't mentioned this entry, so... I MISS HARRY!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 60  
11-20-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
All I really want to say that Mc Gonagall knows about what happened between Ron and me. So does Mum. Neither one of them yelled at me!! They just asked me if I need to go on the pill and I told them no. Now I really hope that I'm not you-know-what!  
  
I think Harry's avoiding me. --Frowns-- Why? For some reason I think Ginny has something to do with it...  
  
I have to go. I do have classes tomorrow. Night!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 61  
11-21-97  
  
Its four o'clock in the morning and I can't get to sleep!!!!!!!! Sorry.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 62  
11-23-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Christine, Ginny, Ron and I all took the car into muggle London. I bought Lucky perfume and a box of condoms. Christine's got three, Ginny's got two, Ron's got two, and I got four. Don't ask why. I don't even know that. You know them necklaces that say 'Best' and 'Buds'? Ginny and I got a pair for us. They're cute!!  
  
On about Harry did you know Ron told me he broke up with me because he knew I'd give him sex? I'd seriously like to know if he broke up with me because I was WILLING or NOT WILLING!! Merlin's grave!!!! I want to know how to get him back!! --Sighs--  
  
I just... It's like I NEED him!! This entry, by the way, didn't start out sappy!!  
  
I'm at Lupin's with Christine and Ginny. No, Harry's not here. Him, Dudley, and I think Draco is off at training. Don't ask why but I think they are...  
  
I got to go. See ya!!

-Hermione


	19. Entries Sixty Three through Sixty Six

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Lilli, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, BubblyBubbles365, Miranda G. Potter, Lunalovegood, and Nightdreamer13. Thanks, ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 63  
11-23-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Thank the heavens I'm not pregnant!! Now I have to deal with the  
bloody... That's the wrong word to use with the curse.  
I'm going to go. I think I'm going to take a nap. Toodles.  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 64  
11-23-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Oh my god am I ever scared! I've never been so bloody scared in my entire life (besides about my feelings)!!!!! I gave Ron a letter to give to Harry. Why? Padma talked me into it. I felt like Miss Confident but now... Oh my Merlin I'm so fucking scared!!!!! Here, listen to the letter...  
  
Harry-  
Why did I hear from Ron that when you broke up with me ages ago that you broke up with me because everyone seemed to know I'd let you fuck me if you asked? Earlier he told me that you broke up with me because I didn't put out enough!! I'd really like to know which it was. Also, are you a virgin or are you not? Ron said that you were on the dance night. Yet you always tell people you're not. I actually heard from him that as  
soon as you fuck Cho you're ditching her. Is that what you planned to do to me? If so, why the hell did you tell me you loved me so many times? Have you told Cho that you love her? What about Lavender or any of the other chicks? Sorry... I was a bit angry there... Why are you avoiding me? Is it because you know what happened between Ron and me? I noticed you did talk to him about it but not me... If that's why you're avoiding  
me, I'm sorry. You're NOT going to get this letter like you accidentally got my other one. Wait!! Is that why you're avoiding me? Cause you know now how I really feel? Good goblets I ask too many questions for a letter you're never going to get...  
Love Always and Forever,  
Hermione  
  
Do you see why I'm so bloody scared?  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 65  
11-24-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Padma and I skipped school. Yeah, we did!! Before Flinch could catch us, we walked to Hogsmeade's and spent some time there. Then, you know what we did? We walked to Diagon Alley!! Well, almost did. My mum found us and brought us there. She was pissed that we were skipping school. Well, I know I can get off with something and Mum will cover for me. I'll be in some trouble of course because I didn't tell, but Padma? We don't  
think she's going to be able to cover for herself!! --Sighs--  
  
Padma, last night, made a Ron box. She keeps a box of all of her memories of her past loves, right? Ron has his own box and it's almost full! We're on the same page with missing the guys. Last night, I heard Padma crying in her sleep.  
  
Luna's not in a good mood, for some reason, she's comparing herself to Peter Pettigrew. She's nothing like him!! She'd never betray any of us like Peter betrayed James!! I hope she gets to feel better soon... I'm glad that she's coming to me with her problems because that's what I do to her.  
  
I hope that Parvati's not angry that Padma and I skipped school!

Got to go. Toodles!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 66  
11-24-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Listen to this poem that I wrote...  
  
Her Angel-  
  
There in a corner the sorrowed girl lies  
Her heart not knowing any truth  
All she remembers is being told "I love you"  
Looking out the window to the moon so full and round  
She wants her angel to come back down to save her from this horrid pain  
In the eyes of another these see the beauty within that she hides  
Though they know it is there she will never give into their begs  
She wants her angel and only her angel  
He is the one who could lift her out of this place and take her away  
Only her angel  
  
Oh! Here are some cute sayings...  
  
1) First I liked you then I loved you now I'm afraid to lose you  
2) He handed her 12 roses 11 real, one fake. He said, "I'll love you till the last one dies."  
3) Now I lay down for my nightmares to begin I wish for one person to be here for me That person can't, though, because he's left my life  
4) Forever alone in the darkness of my mind I'll lie down my life just to be in your arms one last time before I did die... Forever alone I'll be...  
5) Darkness quickly steals the light that shined within her eyes she slowly swallows all her fear and sooths her mind with lies Well, all she wants and all she needs are reasons to survive a day in which the sun will take her artificial light...  
  
Well, I got to go. Bye!  
-Hermione  
  
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	20. Entries Sixty Seven through Sixty Nine

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, BubblyBubbles365, Lilli, Miranda G. Potter, NightDreamer13, and missradcliffe. Thanks,  
ya'll!!  
  
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Entry 67  
11-24-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Listen to what I found of Ginny's...

Merlin why do I hate her so much? Is it because she's a slut or because she goes after every guy I like? Well, that doesn't matter. I should just let her have him or just grab the gun or get a knife to end my life. So she would have no one in her way. So she could sleep with another yet have the one I love. I bet she doesn't know I go and hurt myself when she talks about him. I mean, she just goes and tells the world about their affair! P.S. She must be proud.

The reason I know that's about me is because my name is axed out under the p.s. I might be going to stay in Fred and George's place with Fred, George, and Ron since it's really close to the school...

Do you know how upset I was after I found that? I'm about ready to start crying! I don't talk like that about Ginny, yet she talks about me like that? Oh hell no!! That pisses me off! I'm really tempted to just... Just give up our fucking friendship!!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 68  
11-25-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Well, Padma and Ron might be getting back together. I'm not to tell Parvati, though. It's because Parvati told Padma she'd disown her as a sister if she got back together with Ron. I swear I will NOT let anything go on between Ron and I this time. I was such a horrible friend for letter it go on before, you know...

In my leg, I now have the letter H carved into it. I was talking to Luna as I cut it with a knife. She said I was in a freaky mood. I think it's because I was feeling almost drunk from cutting. It was actually fun!! Can you believe that? I got hurt my Grace and Ron for it, though. They saw it... Grace punched me in the leg and Ron kept smacking right where it is. I just hope Harry doesn't find out... That also reminds me Harry hasn't gotten my letter yet from Ron thank Merlin!!

I'm in progress with talking to Harry. It's become really awkward talking to him. It's like... He's not the Harry I once knew, so I can barely talk to him. This afternoon at lunch, Harry actually said hi to me when he left! No one else besides me!! Merlin, I sound pathetic, don't I?

Last night, I had a dream. It was really weird... All right. I was dating Harry again. Then I was dating this one guy, I have no clue who the hell he was. I think in my dream I called him something like Malik or something weird like that. So, in other words, I was two timing Harry like I think he did to me. Only thing with it was, though, I didn't even like Malik like that. I just hung out with him and snogged him. All that time, Harry and I were getting closer to each other. It seemed all Harry wanted to do was spend time with me. Does this ring a bell to you? It sounds a lot like I did when I was with Harry... Well, I had to go back to the USA for something. I can't remember what it was... I broke up with the Malik guy before I did. I was going to tell Harry, but when I did... He clung on to me like there was no ending. He even started crying because he didn't want me to go!! Do you know how much I wish that was true? I don't think he cares about me at all... That dream probably would have gone on, but Mc Gonagall woke me up for classes (I over slept).  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 69  
11-26-97  
  
Dear Diary,

All of the prefects had to do this community service project around the school. We were forced to cut down trees (small ones) that were growing around the grounds. All the prefects were either people I hate or people I don't know. I did make a new friend, though, named Kristi. She's pretty cool (minus the fact that she once asked Harry out!). She's in the... 6th year I think? Eh, somewhere around there.

Oh!!! Draco Malfoy got transferred to Gryffindor!! No one knows why... Not even Draco would tell us. He's got the same schedule as Harry, so we barely see him, either.

Tonight Padma's older sister, Staci (I've mentioned her before I think), came and hung out with us at school. Draco and her got together. I think it's pretty cool, you know... Ginny was jealous since she likes Draco. I was sad because Ron had Padma and Draco had Staci. Ginny was crying, plus I'm still sort of pissed at her, and there was no one else here, besides Colin Creevy would was going on about nothing to no one, really. Why couldn't Harry have been here? Because he was off getting Dudley into trouble, I do believe... --sighs-- I miss Harry.  
-Hermione  
  
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(A/n-- I know, these are short. I've just gotten great reviews, so I wanted to hurry up with these. With the dates, now... Usually I put them back to when they were set and one month ahead of what they actually were suppose to be... Here's what's going on, though Christmas coming up not next month like it is here in the story for me. Christmas is a depressing time for both Hermione and me, because that's when my father and Hermione's Papa died. Plus, Christmas is the day before Harry asked Hermione back out and Bret asked me out again. So, we got a problem there... I can't really write ahead of time for this. Therefore, dates are changing from the time. I've just been going in order, really, for some part lately. Anyways... Please review!! It doesn't take that long to click the little button below and say, "I hate your story" or "I love your story"... You know, something along them lines!! Bye, ya'll!!  
--Jackie)


	21. Entries Seventy through Seventy Two

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers!! BubblyBubbles365, Miranda G. Potter, Lilli, Lunalovegood, sugas love, NightDreamer13, wiccaanimangagirlkagome who's a new reviewer (she reviewed chapter 9), Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, kari (love ya, sis!) who reviewed chapters 1 through 4, then skipped to 20 because she didn't want to leave reviews on ever single chapter... LoL! Then, Jason He's also a new reviewer!!! Well, ya'll, thanks!!  
  
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Entry 70  
11-28-97  
Dear Diary,

I'm stuck writing with the light of a candle. Voldemort attacked. He didn't go for Harry or anything, he just went with setting tornadoes of around the school. I was scared out of my mind!! I was with Ron, Fred, and George when everything hit. We were right by one of the tornadoes, actually.

After everything calmed down, we went and found Ginny. She is okay. After that I made sure Padmé was fine, she was besides the fact that she was terrified. Ginny, George, and I went to check on Harry. Voldemort's tornadoes didn't even hit the area that he was in!! He wanted to ask me something but he called me Cho and Lavender. Finally he got my name right but then he forgot what he wanted to ask me. That idiot... Complete idiot!

Now I'm sitting in a room with Fred. Voldemort's left signs that he might attack with more tornadoes again. We don't know, though. Fred is leaving soon. George, Ron, and Ginny all went back to the tunnels. I wanted to stay with Padmé, so Fred stayed behind with me.

Earlier today before the attack, Luna was suppose to tell me who she fancies because I went 24 hours without saying Harry's name. Now with the owls all too scared to fly, no one's receiving owls. It's not fair! I want to know whom Luna fancies!

I wonder what...

WE HAVE LIGHT AGAIN! OWLS ARE WORKING! Oh thank Merlin himself!!!

This reminds me, though. Earlier my parents were here having talk with Dumbledore. About what, I do not know. They brought Lyn and Dawn. Well, I was wearing a skirt because I totally forgot about my leg, right? Luckily only Lyn saw it. She said this to me, "Hermy, you're like my big sister. I know that you love Harry but you shouldn't carve his  
first letter into your leg." That is what came out of a five-year-old's bloody mouth! Do you know how guilty that made me feel? Very, very guilty... She promised she wouldn't tell, though, especially not Dawn. If Dawn or Harry knew about my leg...

I'm talking to Padma via the Internet now. She wants to fix up my room at home to look cool. I'll tell you if we ever get around to it, all right?

I can't believe Harry called me Cho and Lavender! I wonder what he wanted...  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 71  
11-29-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Great. This is all just fucking great! Ginny found you, read you... On Merlin's fucking grave!!! Where the hell is my knife... WHERE IS IT? I'm really, really pissed... Lately that's all I am, isn't it? Why am I like this? I don't want to be... I just want my knife. Seriously!  
-Hermione  
  
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Entry 72  
11-30-97  
  
Dear Diary,  
I'm so bored! All I'm doing is sitting in Snape's class being bored out of my mind! My leg hurts like a human's neck as a vampire latches onto it. Hold on. I got to take a test. I'll be back in a while.

Okay. I'm back. Now I'm in Flitwick's class pretending that I'm taking notes. --Rolls eyes-- What I wanted to tell you were at breakfast this morning, Harry was there. All of the seats were really full (okay, so there were a few empty...) but there was nowhere Ginny and I could sit together. So... Ginny sat by a little 5th year because Harry wasn't letting any one sit right by him. What I did was pick up his bag, move it, and then I jumped into the seat. I hadn't changed into my robes yet, so I was in a skirt, which I forgot that I was wearing. Let's just say that Draco talked to Harry and said that he got a good view of my knickers! He also was saying things like, "Come on, mate! Let your girlfriend sit by you!" Merlin is he lucky that I didn't yell, "He's NOT my boyfriend!" Usually, I do yell at people when they say that. Ron's heard me do that around a thousand times as has Ginny and Mum. I have to go for a bit. When I write more, I'll tell you what Padma did to herself.

Again, I'm back. Padma cut herself. You know how I have my H on my leg? Padma had planned on doing an R on her leg around the same size as mine. It's not the same size as mine nor is it just the R While mine is about two inches, her's is three and a half. While mine is just the H her's is RONALD! I'm not mad at her. I think Ron is, though. He kept saying throughout Sprout's class how he plans to kill her for that and the hickeys on his neck.

There's really nothing going on. I'm sitting at lunch and all I can think about is Harry. This is so crazy! Diary, I shouldn't miss him this much. I saw him earlier! Right now, though, I barely ate anything because I just miss him so much that I've lost my appetite!

Sorry. I had to go quickly there. Lunch ended. I've got wonderful watching the time skills, don't I? Oh my Merlin! Where the bloody hell is Harry? I mean I know he wasn't at lunch but that was because he has classes. No one has classes at suppertime. Where the  
bloody hell is Harry?

Okay. Dudley just told me that Harry went up to the dorms earlier today because he was stoned off his ass. He did look pretty ripped out of his mind this morning at breakfast...

I'm going to go head up to the dorms to get some sleep. I'm rather tired... Plus, I want to lay in bed and cry because I miss Harry so bloody much!!  
-Hermione


	22. Entries Seventy Three through Seventy Fi...

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.  
  
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Thanks to my reviewers! Miranda G. Potter, Lilli, kari, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Bubblybubbles365, and missradcliffe! Thanks, ya'll!!  
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A/N -- I know that I'm losing one reviewer, Kari. She is the one who is Padma in my story. Even though she is not going to be able t get the reviews for her story, I'd like it if ya'll went and out her story. Its called "Padma's Secrets" her pen name is PadamPatil. Thanks, everyone.  
--Jackie  
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Entry 73  
12-1-97  
  
Dear Diary,

Padma is sooooo fucking lucky she's been getting away with this shit!! Okay, she's been staying at her house with her mum, right? Well, she DROVE the muggle car up here to Hogwarts to pick us up! It's awesome and all... I just hope that she doesn't get caught. She doesn't have her license, so yeah. If she gets caught, she's stuck in MUGGLE JAIL!!!

Padma also brought me the stuff for my room back at home. It's awesome! It's a blue/green flamed bed comforter, four lava lamps, the alarm/radio/cd player that I've needed for a long time. Then, she also brought me a dolphin poster! It's adorable!  
Dolphins are, after all, my favourite animal!

Merlin... I miss Harry... Sorry. I'm sitting in Magical History and Miss Ferra is going on about something. I don't really know. I've already coloured on my binder that I carry  
around...

I'm back. Sorry, class ended. Now I just get to sit here, in my wonderful dorm room, doing NOTHING! Mc Gonagall and I have been getting into a lot of fights today. I can't even remember what the bloody hell they were about... Hold on. My cell phone is ringing.

Okay. It's Padma. She wants to come get Ron, Harry, and me to go and get wasted off our arses. Should I agree? Bloody hell yes!! I'll write back later to tell you what happens.

I'm back. WOOHOO!!! I got an awesome buzz going on from Padma's wine coolers and Captain Morgan's. We tried to get Ron but when he threw rocks at his window, there was no answer. Damn asshole! We also tried to get Harry, but yeah... It didn't work. We...  
Actually, Padma, knocked on the window. The damn prat went to sleep on us!! We were planning on having sex with both of them. I even had the condoms for it!! How we were going to do it, I do not know. I think I would get Harry in the back seat, and then Padma would get Ron in the front... Hmmm...   
-Hermione  
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Entry 74  
12-2-97  
  
Dear Diary,

I think I'm supposed to go and stay with Parvati. She wants me to come and be with her. I mean I sort of have been neglecting her, haven't I?

Sorry. I think this is going to be a night where I'm cut off a lot from writing in you. Everything is crazy being here at home! I can't go to with Parvati because I have no ride. I'm probably going to go to be with her when Mum goes to work in the morning.

Yeah. This is going to be a night that I write bits and pieces every time tonight. MINE sweatshirt! My Harry's sweatshirt! :)

This sucks! Harry has to go to training! He tried to get out of it but Lupin won't bend the rules for him. He really wanted to go and get wasted with Padma, Ginny, Ron, Staci, and  
me. Poor Harry!

On Merlin's grave, Harry!! I wish he'd stop (so what if I don't) calling me asking me to go and get Ron so he can ask Ron to go to training with him. Ron can't, though. Mr. Weasley would never let him.

I'm sorry for this part, but Ginny will NOT shut up!!! Please, Diary, get her to shut up!!!

I finally gave into Harry. I went up to the park with Ginny to get Ron. We get there and

we see Harry running down the street to get Ron!! The idiot... Well, anyways, after we all  
talked for a while, we just were standing there. Harry said, "I got to go." He acted like he was going to hug us good-bye but then he slapped our boobs and ran! He did the same to Ginny... --rolls eyes--

Oh my Merlin. Ron broke up with Padma because he wanted to fucking have fun with Ashley!!! The fucking goddamn asshole! I sooooo need to kill him.

I just got back from London. Padma is wasted off her ASS!!! She came and got us from the school, and then we went to Staci's house. Well, Staci and her friends wanted to hurt Ron because of what he did to Padma. When Staci took Padma that left Ron, Christine, Ginny and I in the basement. It was so stupid! On our way TO London (when Padma wasn't

wasted off her ass) she hit a deer! Change that, she KILLED a deer!!!

I need Harry. I really, really, REALLY miss him! My stomach hurts because I miss him so much..  
-Hermione  
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Entry 75  
12-3-97  
  
Dear Diary,

This is serious. Padma... Padma is in El Dora. El Dora is a muggle place called JUVI! Well, we don't KNOW if she's there... We'll know tomorrow, though. Mandi is supposed to tell me what is happening to Padma tomorrow.

Well, Padma was wasted off her ass, remember? Ron told her he'd drive her home. He did that... She wanted to park the car so she could go back over to Staci's then get Ron a ride back to Hogwarts. When Ron got out of the car, a police officer drove by.

Evidentially where they were, where weren't suppose to be. So, police started after her. She raced down the streets with her MUM'S car just remember that. By the time they caught her, she had ran over the spikes that flatten the tires, set the car on fire, and ran into a semi.

Ron's okay he made it over to Staci's without getting caught by the cops. He actually was trying to get the police off of Padma's case, but it didn't work.

Right now, we really don't know what's happening. We know that Padma's only got a scratch on her neck from where the window glass hit her a little bit (other than that, she's  
fine). If her trial goes well tomorrow, she might only have to spend three years in El Dora. Parvati's friend, Tonya, had the same charges almost, though, when she was the same age as Padma. She had one year in El Dora and three years of probation.

I miss Padma so much. Diary, I promise on this day that I will not ever do something like this again. It's bad enough that we've been letting this go on for a while, now, but yeah...

Everyone is really torn up about this. Ron went to Parvati's last night and got back home this morning. Right now, I'm at Parvati's. We called Harry and told him what was going on. Then, Parvati and I were just talking to him regularly. He said that he felt unloved! Before my cell phone died, I was saying, "If he's unloved, I'd like to know where the fuck my heart's been!" I don't know if he heard me or not, because yeah... We weren't able to call him back. If he heard me, I wonder what he thinks... --sighs-- I'm going to go. I'm really worried about Padma.  
-Hermione


	23. Entires Seventy Six through Seventy Nine

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot.

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Thanks to my reviewers! Kari's back from her little... Place. Welcome back, Karebear! Lunalovegood, Bubblybubbles365, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, Lilli, missradcliffe, and a new reviewer, FleurDelaherms (ch. 4)!!! Thanks, ya'll!!

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A/N -- Like I said, Kari is back! Before I go on, I want to say to Kari that YES WE DO CARE ABOUT YOU! You are our Karebear!! --Jackie

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Entry 76  
12-4-97 

Dear Diary,

Here is what the muggle paper said about Padma...

DEVON TEEN LEADS POLICE IN HIGH-SPEED CHASE

A 17-year-old Devon female is being held in juvenile custody after leading police in a high-speed chase that ended in a collision early Saturday morning.

Officers attempted to stop a vehicle at 2:09 a.m. Saturday in the 2500 block of First Avenue East for suspicious activity. The driver led them in a pursuit, continuing to flee even after driving over three sets of stop sticks and diving in excess of 90 mph in a 20-mph zone. The chase continued to Interstate 80, where the vehicle was traveling in excess of 115 mph, and ended at the 168-mile marker, where the driver hit the trailer of a semi-truck. Sparks from the collusion caused the vehicle to catch fire after it stopped in the median.

Padma J. Patil of 2501 First Ave. E. was charged with eluding and cited for failure to

obey a stop sign, reckless driving, violation of an instructional permit, speeding, failure to maintain control and driving on the wrong side of a two-way highway.

No further information on the accident was available, and the juvenile was not found to be in violation of any drug or alcohol laws. Police department officials said Patil stated she did not want the officers to stop her.

She was placed in juvenile custody.

I cannot believe this!!! Mandi still hasn't gotten back to me what is going on with Padma yet nor has Parvati. I really hope that she's all right... I miss her so much. I've never gone this long without talking to her since we became friends. Diary, I have around ten best friends, you know. Well, ten best friends that are female. I have Padma, Parvati, Ginny, Hannah, and Luna who are my main best friends for females. Then I also have Christine and Grace. Okay, so I have eight main female best friends. I might write back later... I'm just... Yeah... Shocked.  
-Hermione

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Entry 77  
12-4-97 

Dear Diary,

Ron and I just got done talking to Padma. She's at home with Mandi. She is never allowed to talk to Staci again. She faces six charges (all equaling to over ten thousand pounds). We're just glad that she's at home!!

I'm lucky that Mc Gonagall let me off of my dorm room arrest. Mum and her talked. I had told Mum everything that we went through and what I did. So, I got one week of dorm room arrest where I'm only allowed to be in my dorm room. Of course I'm allowed out for classes and breakfast/lunch/dinner. Other than that, I'm not. Mc Gonagall let me slide for 45 minutes so I could go and tell Ron what was going on. I was going to go and see Harry, but I couldn't because I spent all the time talking to Padma with Ron.

I need to go. I have to do my homework...  
-Hermione

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Entry 78  
12-5-97

Dear Diary,

This to this letter that Ron wrote to Padma...

To: Padma ------------------- Weasley

From: Ron Weasley 

Padma,

What's up? I'm in Charms and my professor is just going on and on and on. Make him stop. I'm so bored. Know what? My professor says the number sixty-nine a lot. That kind of makes me think of you. If you want to know what I wouldn't tell you when I talked to you on the cell phone... You know when you said that I was the one who dumped you (which is true), well, I was going to say that I know I did and I also know it was a stupid decision. I don't even know why I did it. I guess I thought it was a way to make you trust me if we went back out but now I see that I need to work for your trust. I understand why I would have to work for it too Padma, I love you and I always will. I hope you know that. When you ran from the cops all I could think about after I heard that you wrecked was that I hoped you were okay and I'm so glad that you are. My mum said that if you do have to pay that money she will give me a ride to work for four months but she talked to this guy in London who is trying to get me a job in the next week. I'm going to work for two months to help you out and the other two months to get a car for my mum don't have to drive me. Well, I got to go. I love you.  
-Ron Weasley

P.S. Oh, and the next time I see you I want to give you something that your never allowed to take off for you won't ever forget about me (not counting your leg) but anyways... I (L) YOU!

Isn't that sweet? Pig is being an arse, so Ron asked me during class to send that to her.

Why can't Harry be like that, Diary? Why can't ALL guys have that sensitive side to them like Ron? Padma also made it into the London Times with her high-speed chase!! Yeah... One of the kids who got that newspaper was talking about it today. Well, I need to go.  
-Hermione

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Entry 79  
12-6-97

Dear Diary,

I snuck out. I snuck out to be with Ginny, Harry, Ron, Draco, and George. I mean it's wonderful and all that I did. I learned a lot of new things! Like, if Ginny wouldn't get sad when Harry and I are dating, then Harry and I might be dating at this very second that I'm writing to you!! Can you believe that? I seriously need to find someone for Ginny to hook up with! Hmm... Her and Draco DID kiss last night...

Now, since I snuck out... I went out to the Quidditch field and watched the BOYS play Quidditch. Ginny and I didn't play, just like I've promised not to do! Haha! When we were there, I was playing music with Ginny. Harry kept trying to get songs out of me because we were the ones picking them out. He tickled my sides, which led to me squealing!! You know how I squeal bloody murder when someone touches my sides!! If you keep quiet about this... When he was 'flailing' to get a song, he was wrestling my hands away from the turner. What's funny is Ginny was right there, right? Yet she didn't notice that technically we were holding hands.

Oh. Harry knows about my fucking H. Ginny told me that she showed him hers, so I needed to show him. Plus, she SAID he knew because she told him. Evidentially, she hadn't. What I didn't know when I lifted up my pant leg was that he didn't know nor did he have any fucking clue!!! He didn't say anything about it, yet I think I know that a 'stern' talking to is coming up, don't you think? I mean, he hit me when I did my wrist a while back, didn't he? Yes... Yes he did.

Listen to this letter that I wrote to Mc Gonagall. She's the one who determines my sentence. Do you think this is good enough to not get punished longer?

Professor Mc Gonagall-

Before any one tells you, yes, I went to the Quidditch pitch at seven and I stayed there till eight. I'll admit it. Please don't raise my dorm arrest. Please. I haven't slipped up once this week at all. I promise NOT to do it any longer, either. If you think about it, Professor, you and I were suppose to go out yesterday because I needed to see my parents and you didn't come so I couldn't go. That would mean me getting out of the dorm besides for classes and such. I haven't been out of the dorm except for the forty-five minutes that I was allowed out to tell about Padma. I'm greatly sorry for what I have done. At least  
I've learned how to tell you when I do something wrong, right? Before all of this I wasn't telling you or my mum about anything that I've done wrong. I need to go. Please, don't raise up my dorm arrest any longer. I have seriously learned, Professor, I swear!  
-Hermione

On Merlin's grave!!! Ron just came up to the door and asked if I was talking to Padma. I'm not talking to her now, but she said that she was going to try and call at nine, which that's the time it is now. Do you know how cold it is when you open that door? It's FREEZING!!!! Burr.... I'm going to go and cuddle up in my comforter and try to watch  
some muggle T.V. If I can get it tuned in right, I'm going to be able to watch Whose's Line Is It Anyways?  
-Hermione


	24. Entry Eighty

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot...  
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To my reviewers: Hey! I got four regular reviewers... BubblyBubbles365, Miranda G. Potter, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Lilli! Thanks to all of you!! I got three new reviewers, too! SlytherinAngel2007, Ann-Marie (ch.1, ch.2), and harrysgurl4life!! Thanks, ya'll!!!  
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Entry 80  
12-10-97

Dear Diary,  
I've neglected you for a few days, for that I am sorry... I really didn't mean to, it's just that I seem to have a lot going on... Minus the fact that while I'm writing this, I'm on a pretty good buzz from the weed that Ron, Ginny, and I found... In which Harry, Draco, Greg (Harry's friend), Dudley, and Goyle all stole it from us...'(Eeriest!! My damn mashed potatoes are cold!!! Grr... I want my potatoes!! They are cold!! Waa!!!!!

Oh my Merlin, Diary, I am so sorry that I wrote that after I got done smoking three bowls of weed... I'm so sorry!!! I'm betting that you want to know what's happened over the past few days of me not writing, right? 

12-7-97  
There was a dance held for some of the Hogwarts students (Draco and Harry weren't there). Ginny and I got ready in Hannah's dorm, which was really cool. We had a blast at the dance...Ginny called Draco on my cell phone since we're in Hogsmeade's. He and Harry were at Lupin's and they said that they wanted to pick us up to go and get  
stoned. I also learned that day that Harry might want to get back together with me... They didn't pick us up, though. Lupin wouldn't let them. We didn't get to see him (Harry) that night or Draco because they ended up staying at Goyle's house...

12-8-97  
I learned that Padma's NOT to have contact with any of us because of this whole STEPS program she's on for her whole little... incident. It's suppose to turn her into a 'good' girl... Yeah right! Also, Ron and Parvati started going back out. Padma feels really left out...

12-9-97  
Harry and Draco were butt holes!! They didn't show up so we (Ginny and I) could have fun!! :'(I got all dressed up for NOTHING! Merlin damn fuckers...

That leaves me with today... With nothing at all really happening. Tonight, Draco and Harry really ARE supposed to come!! We might be going into London to eat dinner then back to Lupin's... You don't think it's going to matter that I'm on my period, do you?  
--Sighs--

I don't know if I've told you this before, but my family thinks that I have half of a bypolonare disorder. I sort of have to agree with them, since I was out of it for most of the day today. Look at what I found in my notebook!! These people are what I actually call my personalities... 

(Kodi) Why are you doing this, Doom?

(Doom) If someone else is doing it, no one will notice that Hermione is!!

(Jaz) so u r sayin u wanna KILL us?!?!

(Doom) Well duh!!!

(Kodi) But... Why? There is no reason! We have a nice life the moment!

(Shilah) We don't have Harry...

(Doom) SHILAH!

(Shilah) Oops... I'll shut up...

(Doom) That's a good idea. Now...Reason for want to kill Hermione, easy! If you haven't noticed, life's not easy. Why not just take our life now so we won't have to deal with the future?

(Jaz) but Doom its not coo that u r wantin 2 do this 2 us we wanna c goin on in our life bc its alot easier 2 just... live ya no! if ya think bout it y want 2 kill urself sum of us wanna c tomorrow??

(Shilah) I want to see Harry...

(Doom) SHILAH!

(Kodi) SHILAH!

(Jaz) SHI!

(Shilah) No!... Harry... Harry... I'm going with Doom if Harry got killed...

(Kodi) Good goblets, Shilah! All you THINK about is Harry... Why don't you focus on the fact that Doom wants to KILL us?!?!

(Shilah) Cause I miss Harry...

(Jaz) go figure u no this is probably ds smart we r gonna c Kodi

(Kodi) Yes, it is! I want to live, unlike Doom! --rolls eyes--

(Doom) Well let's just ask all 6 of us which one they want! I, Domince, go for death. So one out of six for death! What about you, Shilah?

(Shilah) I... I...Is Harry dead, too?

(Kodi) No, he's not.

(Shilah) Then I'm alive!

(Doom) --rolls eyes-- We know Kodi is for life, Jaz?

(Jaz) life all da way man!

(Doom) Fine. Dani?

(Dani) I'm whatever u r for, Doom.

(Doom) --smiles-- Good. So that 2/6 vs. 3/6. What about you, Leo?

(Leo) Although after ... Bloody bumps! No, I want to live!

(Jaz) u lose Doom so 4 get it!

(Shilah) Harry?

(Jaz) ya Harry u I & da rest r gonna b alive 4 a while no

(Shilah) Harry!! I miss him...

(Doom) You all are hopeless! Shilah, why didn't you go with me?

(Shilah) Because Harry's alive I want Harry.

(Doom) Shilah, you know he doesn't like you! Look at our poems...

(Shilah) You got a point...

(Jaz) dunt listen 2 him Shi

(Kody) Babe, don't listen to that asshole! Harry does too like you! Think of what might happen...

That's what I found in my notebook. Don't you find that a tad bit... Stage?

Sorry about having to go like that. Ron suggested the best idea to me. Take Dad's Blazer. Go get Harry. Have me act like I do around Ginny and them (saying, "Harry looks so hot!" or "Merlin... I wish that he were mine again. He's so fine!") 'without' Harry seeing or hearing... In other words, just casually slip it in when Harry is supposedly not listening to us... Hehehe... I'll write back with what happens!!

DAMN HARRY! He's not there!!!!!! This is totally not fair!!! Eh, Ron got a new broom out of the deal (which he stole). We went into Burlington to try and find Draco's car (which he got from Narcissa who actually only gave him money...) but Ron ended up getting a new racing broom. Pretty cool if you ask me! Now, I need to go... I've got to get  
to sleep, plus I think Mum is waking up to go to work. If they find out that we took the blazer, Ron, Ginny, George and I? We'll all be DEAD!!!

Sorry. I wanted to add in one more thing before I head to bed... In Parvati's things, she found this old letter that I wrote to JUSTIN back when I was going out with him!! I totally forgot about this fucking thing until she reminded me about it!! Give me a second and I'll find it again to write it out in here...

Justin  
Hey. How are you? I'm tired... Just wrote letters to my little sister, Ginny, and my big brother, Ron. Fred approves of us dating!! Yeah, but he doesn't approve of Ginny and Brandon (sorry, but I can't remember who the hell he is!!). Parvati is telling EVERYONE about how "cute" we were at Three Broomsticks (I went there with him??)! It's funny, actually. Hey, I'm sorry I'm so quiet... It seems every time I like someone, I'm always as quiet as a mouse, if I think of someone like a brother, and I never shut up... Literally. Really, I think it's because I don't want to make a fool in front of the person I like and if it's in  
front of someone like a brother, I could care less. Anyways, I need to go. Talk to you soon!  
Love always,  
Hermione

Sorry now that I read that, that's just gross. Why did I say 'love'??? I never loved him!!! Dumbass!!! I miss Harry....  
-Hermione


	25. Entry Eighty One

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I'm making a huge disclaimer that will go on the end of the story, okay? Till then, I own the plot.  
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(A/n-- Hey. If I don't update as much, I'm sorry. Last night, I was in a car accident. I'll have that entry coming up don't worry... Okay? Love ya'll!!! --Jackie)  
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Entry 81  
12-11-97  
Dear Diary,

Well that was... Odd. Ron had Dean Thomas (he's now in Slytherin) down for a while. They came into the common room while I was still in my pajamas! I'm sort of doing laundry... It's always weird seeing an ex boyfriend, you know!

I don't want to take the blazer any more, but I want to get Harry back... I miss him so much! It hurts when I'm thinking about him. It hurts worse when I look at my wrist or my stomach, but it just burns my heart to see my leg with the H (which I'm re-doing to be deeper) carved into it.

Parvati is doing well (Sorry, I'm a grammar freak! I just changed that from good to well). We saw her and talked to her over the phone. She thought Ron was going to break up with her because Padma feels left out. Ron talked to me about both of them. He said that he wishes they could understand that he loves both of them and that he doesn't want to choose between he two. In a way, I understand that. They are both my best friends and I want to see both of them happy. Both are happy with Ron, though. We know there will be a time that he will be forced to make a decision, but we're teenagers! I also understand their point of view, though, because of how I want Harry. I want Harry all to myself.

I'm sorry but Ginny is starting to royally piss me off... AGAIN! You know how I am over Harry's shirt... That's MY shirt! He gave it to me, not them!

Want to know what Ron just told me? When Dean was here, he was going to try and get me back. That's just... No! These are my thoughts: Harry, Harry, oh, and HARRY! You know that that is like, the only thing that goes through my mind. Evidentially, so does Ron. He's the one who told Dean he couldn't get me because all I ever think about it Harry.

On Merlin's grave! Sorry, Ginny is pissing me off... A lot! I'm in a bad mood. A really bad mood that's making me be a bitch. I'm only sort of being nice to Ron, because he's trying to calm me down. Ginny's a different story. She knows how pissed I get when she says shit like, "Fine! I'll just go up to Harry's where I'm not hated!" Diary... --shakes head-- Never mind. Earlier Ginny got pissed at me. She said I was flirting with Dean! Let's ask Ron if he thinks I was... He said I wasn't. So ha, BITCH! Ginny said, "I don't get how you flirt with Dean, flirt with Ron, then say you love Harry." I wish that she'd get it that Ron is just one of my friends!! NOTHING MORE! Why does everyone have to bring up my mistake, Diary? I wish that they'd get it that having been diagnosed with half of a bypolarnary disorder is sort of what causes me to do stuff like that!! It's as if I have no control over how I feel!!!!!! Why... Why... Why...

I'm back. I went off crying there. Eh, who cares? I can't wait till all of this is over. I mean, Ginny and I fighting, Parvati and Padma's fighting... All of that sort of things, you know. Maybe then everyone can be at least somewhat happy!

I shouldn't be saying this, but YES! Ginny is leaving!

Ron's sort of cleaning up one of the deserted rooms (which is a pit), I think I might want my room down here when there's a bed and stereo system... Nah. This can just be a place for us all to hang out.

Oh my... Remember that song that I said, "I was the one who gave you your first kiss. Girl, remember cause I said, "Put your lips like this." "? That was just on the radio. --Sighs-- Now I'm even sadder.

Fucking a... She didn't leave! This totally sucks!

Haha! Ron doesn't know how to wash clothes the muggle way! It's so simple!

I'm going to go for a bit. I think I'm going to start crying... Again. I want to cut so badly!!

I'm back again. That was so... Weird! At home, a semi carrying cows sort of got stuck in a ditch right by the Burrow! A lot of us got to go home for the night... Right?

We were allowed to be out past our curfew without the police really caring. So... Ron wanted to get new brooms. I agreed because we were going to get Harry to flirt with me... Who could have guessed that he was already planning on doing so? LoL...

So, we went to Lupin's to get Harry. It was hilarious! He was sleeping in the nude (I know you're thinking what I was thinking!), right? What was funny was getting him out of bed. Ron kept shining a flashlight in on him and he was flipping us off. At one point he started to get on his pants... Then, Ron shined the light in on him again but Harry was trying to sleep! Damn asshole! LoL, So, he got up and got on his shirt. That whole time I was resisting the urge not to laugh. Again, he tried to go to sleep. So, Ron mooned him a few times. Harry must have not liked that because he turned on his bedroom light which blinded all three of us! Harry laughed and shut off the light to find his two socks. He blinded us a few more times.

To get to Harry's place, we rode brooms to get there. You know how I got home? I had to sprint! I was out of air (I'm out of shape, totally) plus I was sneezing from pollen getting into my nose.

When we were all at my house, we waited for the semi to actually get moved out (took them two fucking hours!) then I crawled into Mum and Dad's room to get the blazer keys... They woke up! Luckily I had the cover of playing with the cats because all the cats were in there.

All of them had to go. We planned on trying again, but I fell asleep because Ginny and I got confused with what the other one said. Oh, Diary, I'm so scared! Lupin found out Harry had snuck out! If Harry gets into a lot of trouble... I'll report back tomorrow to tell you how he's doing. Night...  
-Hermione  
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(A/n-- I wrote this entry back on November 21st, 2004 (I think!!!) okay?)  
(A/n-- I think I'm going to have to squeeze a week into a day because Christmas is a fucking 14 days away (from when I wrote these entries) and in real life it's... 35 days. So, two weeks in story compared to almost 4. Let's figure this out... 3 days stuffed into about 1 day in the story, okay? This diary is going to go till the end of the school year (about 6-7 more months). If after that, ya'll want a My Diary 2, I'll have to ask you then. Oh yeah, after Christmas the days will actually go along with the journal, month, too, minus the year, though I'm trying to remember what else I wanted to say... OH! I have to sort of change Hermione's b-day to February 24th because... Yeah. It'll be pretty odd if I write about my birthday in here... So remember that I have to switch Herm's b-day in here. SHIT! I have to switch Harry's and Ron's, too! To get Bret and Tommy's b-days in here... Ya'll know this is an A/U fic, so yeah... Harry's new birthday is January 13th and Ron's is January 15th, okay? Yeah..-Jackie)


	26. Entry Eighty Two

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I'm still making up the huge ass one, so till then, I own the plot.  
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(A/n-- Remember that the characters are very OOC. OH! I also forgot last chapter mention the whole thing WONDERFUL REVIEWERS!!! I'm sorry...--Jackie)  
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Thanks to the reviewers of... (ch. 9) slykill who is new, (ch. 24) Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Lilli, sugas love, Miranda G. Potter, then two new reviewers, Hocky-Gal-Sport12 and jEnA, then my karebear, Kari!! Thanks to ya'll!!! Now, for chapter 25... Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Lilli, Miranda G. Potter, BubblyBubbles365, and Kari!!! Thanks, ya'll!!!  
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Entry 82  
12-12-97

Dear Diary,  
Hannah is fighting with Kory. She's going nuts!! Both of them, I mean... They're fighting over something of Susan's. We... Crap! I forgot what I was going to say! I remember Mae and I have to work later...

Should I help save the rain forest? Eh, probably... I have to participate in a stupid bake sale thing. Six other girls (including Mae, Kory, and Susan) and myself have to work. I so need another damn job... Maybe one that actually PAYS!

I just got my book back from Hannah. It's one that I'm writing. Here, I'll give you the first paragraph...

The first time Marie saw her blood trickle down her wrist, she was addicted to the feel of the blade, the feel of the pain. There was no way she could live without it any more.

It's not very good. Marie is a name I've always wanted. I hate my own name! It's so... BORING!

Know how I just said BORING? That applies to this class... Charms... --yawn--

Want to hear a new poem I wrote? It's depressing, like the rest of my poetry and stories are. It's called 'Fallen Angel'

Alone in the night she cries to the moon  
Quietly as she watches the blood slip from her wrist  
Drip... Drip... Drop...  
Flowing freely now, the blood gushes from her body  
not time to save her...  
She lays her head back against the tree, then silently draws her last breath  
Slipping slowly upon the dewed grass, the blood pours around her frame  
The sun rises above the horizon to show a fallen angel  
Fallen from the heavens to be hated by the cruel world  
She took her life because of love  
Her mother looked out the window and screamed  
She saw her only child, her precious angel, lying by the tree  
Quickly she rang up the doctors to come to the aid  
They told her it didn't matter  
Her daughter was forever gone  
The mother ran from the scene to hide away...  
The doctors called the girls' friends to deliver the news to them...  
There was no more of their friend  
they said, "We found a note in her pocket... We can't read it, though...  
If you'd like to see it, you may..."  
Rushing to where the girl lie dead, they all began to weep  
one friend grabbed the note then quickly reads...  
He stole my heart and tore it up He shattered what was never there. I saw him as he kissed her like I never even cared...  
They looked around then bowed their heads  
Knowing exactly what she meant  
Throwing down the note, they buried her right there  
Pouring rain splattered on the ground as they dug  
Talking quietly, as if knowing what they did wrong, they now know that  
when she said she'd go through with it, she meant it  
On the tree they carved into the wood, "Our Fallen Angel"

I guess I'm in a depressed mood since this whole thing with Harry is going on. Shit! I got to go. I have to go home...

It's mid-afternoon now I got to go home since Mum requested it. Today's Mum and Dad's anniversary and the whole family celebrate it together. I also get tomorrow off...

Good goblets! Lyn and James's father, Dusti, wants to have them this whole day. We always have them for today!! Merlin, he wrecks every celebration the family has together! He has ever since Jodi and him got a divorce!

Aunt Jo and Mum are fixing the food with the help of Lori (Dawn and her little sister, Reneé's mum) and Jodi. Albee is helping Jodi outside and she talks... Well, yells... at Dusti. Uncle Dean (Aunt Jo's husband) is carving the turkey. Reneé is running around with Dawn in the yard.

Okay. I'm back. Everyone is gone! FINALLY! I love my family, don't get me wrong, but I just wish I could have spent today with my REAL family! You know the people like Harry, Padma, Parvati, Ron, Ginny, Dawn (she was there, I know...), Reneé, Lyn, Christine, Draco, Luna, Hannah, and Grace. That would be the perfect 'family' get-together, don't you say?

Dean just called. He wanted to know if I knew where Ron was. How the bloody hell could I know where Ron is?

Later, Parvati is coming over. She called me earlier to tell me so. She made me talk to Justin... What the hell is up with me talking to all my exs?

Well, that was awesome! Christine's got her own car cherries everywhere!

Hey. I'm back. WOW! That was so... Cool! Okay, I guess I have to start out with Parvati coming, right?

Parvati arrived here. Well, her and Ron had a good time, I guess. Then Dean came and Ron went off with him. A little bit later, they came and picked Ginny, Parvati, and me up -- ON A FOUR-WHEELER! I've never been on one of those before. It was great!

We went exploring and found a deserted place. It has a mobile home and a shed (two couches and a bed!). Ron and Dean were ramping over tons of stuff. Oh, Diary! You won't believe the beautiful view it has of the river, the sky... I'd love to take Harry out there this summer, if we get back together.

That's only part one. Christine (after Parvati left) came down. I was on the phone with Parvati and she wanted Christine, Ron, Ginny, H.T.B (that's what we call Ginny and Ron's cousin, Henry Bode), and I to come up to see her. Well, we did.

We left H.T.B. with Parvati's little brother, Joe, while we went to the store to pick up some stuff. Christine, Ginny, Parvati and I all got matching tube tops. They're adorable!

So, after our shopping spree (which I shop-lifted bracelets from!), we took Parvati back and got H.T.B. Then, we decided to go where Padma lives and visited her. We met Jess (cousin) in which she gave me a couple of cigarettes.

Diary, I'm not really supposed to say this, but Christine wants Ron back. He was trying to get her to give him head. Anyways...

We got back to my house where I stayed there. I talked to Padma over the phone while doing so. At one point, Ginny called me on Christine's cell phone to tell me that we were supposedly going to 'rescue' Harry. Diary, you know me. Of course I agreed to go along – to get Harry.

It didn't work out that way, though. We ended up going to London to air up Christine's tires. That's when I fell asleep on Ginny while H.T.B. slept on my arse.

Awhile later I woke up. Ron was running away from what we all thought was one of our nosey neighbors. Nice wake up call, huh?

Finally, the driver caught up to us as we were in a bean field. The driver of a fucking four-wheeler was DEAN!

We had a lot of fun. Most of the time, Dean was driving the car and Ron/Christine were driving/riding on the four-wheeler. At one point, Ginny and I started to smell burning rubber. Dean dismissed the thought of it, though, because we were all having tons of fun doing donuts and such.

After about three hours or so of having fun, we noticed we were about out of gas so we headed out of the field. That is when ever H.T.B. started to smell the horrid smell of burnt rubber. We all got out of the car and that is when they noticed that, HEY! We were driving on a bloody rim!

Many times throughout the time, I had to go on the four-wheeler to gather items to fix the car such as wood, jacks, and gas... Hell, I even learned how to drive the bloody four-wheeler!! Sorry, but I find it rather funny. Just let me say, though, Diary, out there it was

FREEZING!! On Merlin's grave, was it ever! It was raining and I even think on one ride it was snowing! Can you believe that? We sort of had to get gas for the car and the four-wheeler at Dean's grandparents. I almost destroyed my pink hoodie with Tinkerbell (you know that little Disney fairy) on it! Yeah, I know. Hermione in pink! LoL! I laugh at it, too.

That leads to that night. We got home to my house (luckily after the adults were gone) safely. I'm not supposed to say this, Diary, but Ron is trying to cheat on Parvati with Christine. That's not what shocks me, though. Throughout the night, Dean, Ginny, and Ron came into my room and tapped me on the shoulder. Diary, they wanted a condom! Ginny and Dean, I mean. Ron wanted them to have one because they were also annoying Christine and him. Remind me NOT to go into my old room. That's where... Yeah know... Happened.

Well, I need to go. I seriously have to get some sleep. Night.  
-Hermione


	27. Entry Eighty Three

Story: My Diary

Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I'm still making up the huge one…

Thanks to all of my reviewers!!! Miranda G. Potter, Kari (with tad bits of Megan…), Lilli, BubblyBubbles365, and Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter!! THANKS!! -Jackie

Entry 83

12-13-97

Dear Diary,

On Merlin's grave! I'm bawling my eyes out! I can't believe I was so stupid, Diary! I'll start out from the beginning of the day, all right? If my neck will really move for me to write…

This morning, Parvati came down to hang out with us. We were out playing Quidditch, and that's when Ron broke the news to her. He had been cheating on her with Padma and Christine. Parvati was heart broken, so we all left for my house where my parents were out. Ron left and Ginny came over. Us girls were having a great time! Then, Parvati called up Harry to tell him what Ron did…

I was so hyper! I was actually happy, Diary! That's when I asked Parvati to ask Harry if he had made up his mind about me. He said no. I asked, "Does that mean no you haven't made up your mind or no you're not going to date me?" He said he wasn't going to date me. I wish I would have known that when he told Parvati no, it was because he doesn't really like her, but at the time, I didn't. I was heart broken. I couldn't act like it, though. Parvati was already sad… Lucky Ginny was the only one who's got a boyfriend but she thinks Dean's going to break up with her because he likes Christine and me…

Well, to relief us of our stress, we went to see Christine. She had talked to Dean and he wanted ALL of us to go and see him and his cousin, Brandon. Of course, we agreed, so now we were off to see Dean and Brandon!

In the back of the car with Parvati, she said that she liked Dean… Yeah…

I got a chance to drive Christine's car. She had gotten out to ride with Brandon. It was so fun! I got to go almost 100 miles per hour on the gravel road! At the time, I found that to be… Fun.

Parvati also got to drive. She ramped a small ditch and almost hit Brandon's truck!!

After Dean took over again, we were pretty calm. Maybe we were going a tad bit over the speed limit, but that's it… At one point we all stopped. Dean got out and told us NOT to take the car. He should have known that when he told us that, we'd want to do it even more! Parvati jumped up in the front seat and then we took off.

She was literally going all over the road! For Merlin's sake, I drive more accurately than her! Our main goal was to stay away from Dean, Brandon, and Christine. At a stop sign, I made her switch me places.

I took off. You know, I'm pretty good at driving, I guess. I did really well at keeping away from them and all, and I only ran one stop sign to stay that way. Then, we got out on the gravel. Remember how I said it rained yesterday? Well, yeah… I'm already not that good out on the gravel. It slides around too much for my liking. So, the corners were murder to turn with loose gravel. I'd been slowing down to about 30-40 mph, but… There was this one really sharp turn. I really slowed down, but the bloody car just… Just… It lost control! We went over the steep ditch, destroyed part of a fence, and nicked a cow! No I didn't hit the cow I nicked it. No I didn't kill the cow I nicked it…

When all of this happened, oh, Diary, I was so scared! Was Christine going to kill me? How badly had my friends been hurt? Were they dead? What if I was dead and could never see Harry again? Oh, Harry!! I couldn't stop thinking of him!! His emerald eyes, his black hair… Everything about him that very moment seemed more real to me than anything in the entire world. Then, the impact hit.

I got out of it pretty okay. I mean, my neck can barely move, but it'll be better in a few days. I was more worried about Ginny and Parvati. Parvati only got scratches from the back window shattering on her. Ginny came out of it the worst, though. She's got a huge goose egg on her head. Diary, what would I have done if I would have killed them?!

It was hard not to start crying throughout all of this. I finally let it out when I started talking to Mum about it. Amazingly, her and Father aren't going to have me punished. They think the shock of all of this is enough punishment for any one to go through.

That reminds me… We told Mr. and Mrs. Weasley that Ginny fell down my cement stairs so she wouldn't get into trouble… She really is grounded and not to be out of the Burrow. So, if they knew where she was, she'd be in trouble…

Dean and Parvati kissed. Twice! I wasn't to tell Ginny, but for some reason, I did. I'm betting some how I'm going to end up getting dragged into the middle of this whole mess…

I'm going to go. I… I don't feel good. Actually, I feel like I'm going to pass out…

(A/N- So, there's the accident. I'm sorry that I didn't update sooner, but yeah… I'm writing this from school, not Erin typing it… So, if it has more errors, that's why. LoL! Well, I'll let ya'll just… Yeah… Hit the little button below and review!! –Jackie)


	28. Entries Eighty Four through Eighty Six

Story: My Diary

Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I'm still making the big one…

Thanks to my reviewers!! Lilli, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, BubblyBubbles365, Kari, and missradcliffe!! Thanks, ya'll!!

Entry 84

12-14-97

Dear Diary,

I had a blast!! I'm feeling so much better!! Well, I used all of Mum's dish soap to have a huge bubble bath!! The bubbles almost filled over the VERY top of the tube!!!

Oh my Merlin… I just got off the phone with Harry. You know what he wants? He wants me to go over there… He wants to "talk" and probably do more than that!! Why does Mum have to be awake?! I wish she were asleep! He's calling back at midnight…

That little prat!! He bloody fell asleep!!! WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!

-Hermione

Entry 85

12-15-97

Dear Diary,

I cleaned my part of the dorm room. It's really actually clean!! Hannah's scared because she's never seen it actually clean!! LoL!

--sighs-- We have to sing to the school later on today. It's "Christmas" songs. Why did I join the choir? Oh, because Luna, Ginny, Hannah, Susan, and Lavender wanted me to? Yeah…

I'm in stupid Charms. I'm sooooooo BORED!! Listen to the poem that I got a poem I wrote, but I don't have it with me, so I'll try to write it up later. If I don't, I'm sorry…

The concert went fabulous! Susan's solo was excellently done! She got whistles and many claps. Fred was there. He thinks Susan's hot!! I find it hilarious because this is what Fred asked me, "Mate, Hermione! Do you know the girl in the white robes? She's HOT!" LoL!

It is so odd how I was so happy, yet now… I'm just in such a depressed mood. Wonder how badly this will hurt… The thrill of this! I think I'll do now HA! HA isn't enough anymore! HAR!! Not enough… Not enough pain!! HARRY P!!!!!!!

Damn it, Ginny! The blood is so precious to me… I love it so much. The stinging where glass has gotten into my skin… So joyful… So very, very real… WHY DID SHE TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME?!?!

Good goblets… Luna and Grace know about my leg. Grace plans on hurting herself for each letter I have cut into myself. Each letter on my leg means a slash on her arm. Damn…

Before I sign out in this, I'm going to say something I'm not suppose to really say… Ron's got a P on his leg. We might be getting them made into tattoos by Bill!! Ha ha! Pain…

-Hermione

Entry 86

12-16-97

Dear Diary,

I'm so depressed! I really wish I could just be… Normal! You know what I mean? Ginny knows everything. Everything about how I have half bipolar disorder… Why I yell at her (closeness)… I feel like I have a shield that goes up around me to keep myself somewhat hidden form other people… So, now Ginny knows…

Oh dear Merlin… Today is the bake-sale. I bet you anything since I have to make PH Margaritas it's going to be so crazy!

Stupid Christmas… Sorry. They're forcing me to sing Christmas carols such as "Joy to the World" and "O Christmas Tree". I HATE CHRISTMAS!

Okay. I just got back from the bake-sale. Oh, Merlin! Just as I said it would, it was nuts! We were EVERYWHERE! PH Margaritas were very high in demand. We (Parvati and I) should put them on market… Get some money out of them… LoL… We raised 100 galleons, 58 sinckles ((A/N – I forgot how to bloody spell them!! –Jackie)), and 60 knuts. It's all going to a little boy in Haiti…

Lavender's moving, Diary!! She's not going to be going to Hogwarts any more! I've actually become her friend again, and… Yeah!! Now I'm dreading late January or early February…

They have officially changed my medication. This new one is making me feel very odd. I'm… Well, since I began taking it (about 2 hours ago) I've been going from hyper, depressed, then back again. It's so… Weird! It's suppose to make me not so depressed but not so hyper… For some reason, I don't think it's going to work. LoL!!!

Mc Gonagall knows something is up with my leg. I told her that I just damaged it up and she believes me! Yay!

Oh my Merlin! Harry said this to Ron, "What was Hermione wearing?" Yeah… Ron had to go pick Harry up because Harry got stranded and needed picked up. Maybe he still likes me…?

Hey. It's around midnight. I'm at home, now. We just got back from trying to get Harry. Draco was out, talking to his girlfriend, on a bulldozer. It was funny. We almost got Harry to go with us in Dad's blazer, but he was scared that Lupin would hurt him… Again. The last time we tried any of this, he got his ass chewed out by Lupin. Well, I'm going to go. Toodles!!

((A/N – It'll finally go together!! I have caught up with the dates! From now on, the dates will be the same that I write it! Woohoo!! –Jackie))


	29. Entries Eighty Seven through Eighty Nine

Story: My Diary

Author: Jackie (J.E.A.R.K.Potter)

Rating: R

Entry 87  
12-17-97

Dear Diary,

People are crazy. Literally nuts! I don't want to go to bloody classes because in Advance Charms, we're married. I'm married to the almost the most annoying, almost the fattest, definitely the ugliest, person in the class!! Goyle... Why does Flitwick torture us like this? I really wish he wouldn't, but then again, I guess it's a good learning experience that all young people need to know. But why pair ME with GOYLE? I guess I'm going to HAVE to learn to deal with him...

There's nothing to do!! Since I'm so damn bored, I think I'll count up the pages that I have left in you... Okay. I have enough to probably get me through the rest of the school year. Which is only... The rest of December through the end of June... Yeah, that's only about six and a half months, not including Christmas break (which starts next... Thursday?). Then it goes till January third, I think. It's also not counting Spring Break, either. I hope Harry gets to stay with Lupin for these, instead of having to go to his training.

Anyways, I'll sign out now and try to write later. Toodles!  
-Hermione  
- - - - -  
Entry 88  
12-19-97

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I didn't write yesterday. I stayed at Christine's house. Before I go on about what all happened last night, let me say this: Harry looked really hot in the hoodie that he was wearing! Anyways...

Ron, Ginny, H.T.B, and I stayed with Christine, Harry, and Draco. Ron, Draco, Dudley, and Harry left so Draco could go see his girlfriend, Heather. I actually know her from primary school! Christine and I were messing around with her cell phone when I realized who Heather was.

When they all got home, they played a hide-n-seek game while Ginny, Christine and I stayed in Christine's room. H.T.B. had fallen asleep on Christine's bed. Oh, just to let you know, Lupin wasn't home (full moon).

I was slowly getting angry at Ginny. Each time it seemed that Harry or I wanted to be alone with each other Ginny was ALWAYS THERE!

Oh, Ron's got a hickey from Christine.

So, that was yesterday. Today, I just got back from Parvati's. I learned a lot of things, in which now, I am very pissed off at Ginny for. Did you know that "Harry wants to fuck Ginny" or "Ginny gave Harry head last night"? Yeah... It's BULLSHIT! Listen to the letter Parvati and I wrote her...

Gin-

Hi!! What the hell? Why are you and Christine talking behind my back? SO WHAT! You're both pissed about Dean and I? OH WELL! He told me he loved me! Sissy figured out what you said. We're not breaking up and we're NOT going to any time soon (sorry, Ron, I still love you) but WHAT THE HELL? Gin, oh tell Christine that she needs to get her story straight because she was the first person who I told and she was like oh yeah that's great! So whatever! Padma says STAY AWAY from Harry or she's breaking her house arrest and kicking your arse. Hermione's going to write now and she's PISSED!  
-Parvati

What the FUCK? You know each fucking god damn mother fucking time that you want Dean (MINE! love Parvati), I let it be! You yourself wanted me together with Harry, and then you give him head? Oh hell no! I never once tried to take Dean (MINE! love Parvati) from you! Did I? NO! You know I want Harry I let you be happy! Now, what, do I mean nothing to you? I'm just someone who's there to be there? You say I'm your best friend, I've been forgiven by all of you for how last year I went with Dean (MINE! love Parvati) (so don't bring it up!), and you know what? You bitched me out for it, so now I'm bitching you out! If you love me Gin, you'd know how fucking much I like (LOVE! love Parvati) him! Now, wait... LOVE him!!!!  
-A Pissed Off Hermione!!!

TOLD you she was pissed!! I love Dean!! Love Parvati

I don't know yet if I'm going to give it to her, but I probably will because I'm so fucking pissed at her! I hope my back and hip doesn't hurt from me cutting it...  
-Hermione  
- - - - -  
Entry 89  
12-20-97

Dear Diary,

All I have to say is I'm worthless. There is nothing that seems to make me happy any more. Ginny can have Harry. I don't care. I mean nothing...  
-No One At All Worth Caring For  
- - - - -  
Entry 90  
12-20-97

Dear Diary,

Though I'm not feeling much better, I just have to say that I guess Ginny doesn't want Harry and she still cares for me (I'll believe that in a few million years...) and so does Harry (does he ever show it…). Actually, Harry did sort of show it and so did Ginny... But I don't care... I really, really don't... I just wish I could kill myself and get over with this life... I hate myself... I can't have Harry because fucking Fred told him how I want to have sex with Harry, how I love Harry, and how I want to be with Harry... It doesn't matter... He'll be gone in Chicago for Christmas, any way. I get to spend Christmas  
alone... Just how it should be spent... Two more days, Diary, and it's the eight or ninth year anniversary of Papa's death... I won't have Harry to make me happy... Mum and Dad got work... I just get to spend Christmas alone... Just how it should be...  
-No One At All Worth Caring For  
- - - - -  
(A/N- If ya'll can't tell, I'm depressed... -No One At All Worth Caring For)


	30. Entires Ninety through Ninety One

Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: I own the plot. Till I have the huge disclaimer chapter, that's it, okay?

---------------

Thanks to all my reviewers!! Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, BubblyBubbles365, Lilli, Miranda G. Potter, and jEnA-gHeRl! I also got another flamer. Tell me this, dear reviewers, have I not said that this is based off of my life? Tell that to the flamer, FU!  
- - - - -

Entry 90  
12-22-97

Dear Diary,

Well, today is the day that I was suppose to be really, really, really depressed because of Papa. Guess what? I wasn't so depressed. I forced myself to be happy because today some of the classes got to go to the mall and go shopping. Muggle shopping, though! It was so easy to take the pink gloves and earrings... LoL. I actually did buy a skeleton shirt, though. It's so awesome. Ginny took skeleton socks and a cherry thong. (And certain other people that were there had morals! -Luna)

That wasn't the best time of the day, though. I had a blast when we all had lunch. Hannah's little brother was there and he and his friends were making fun of me just because I hate penguins and such. At one point, they got into how I hate some jobs... They all figured that, hey, why not make fun of Hermione? Kaleb (that's Hannah's little brother) said, "Go be a potter!" Do you know how funny that was? Well, it was how he said it that evidentially he didn't know at the time about how I love Harry... Luna and I spent a good five minutes laughing at just that.

I know that this is short, but I have to go. Sorry, Diary.  
-Hermione

- - - - -

Entry 91  
12-24-97

Dear Diary,

I guess Parvati thinks I'm not going to spend Christmas alone as I planned. My parents have work, the Weasley's have a lot of traveling to do and then Christine, Lupin, Harry, Draco and all them went to the States. --Sighs--

Mother got me two Care bears for Christmas. I haven't told you this, Diary, but I love Care bears. We even have names for who the different Care bears are. Let's see... I'm Love-A-Lot Bear, Harry's Tenderheart Bear, Ron's Grumpy Bear, Ginny's Friend Bear, Padma's Good Luck Bear, Parvati's Wish Bear, Christine's Cheer Bear, Draco's Champ Bear, Dawn's Tugs, Lynn's Hugs, Fred's Funshine Bear, and then George is Birthday Bear. Well, Mum and Dad got me Love-A-Lot and Tenderheart. They had it placed as if they were kissing. The note that Mum wrote says this, "Hermione- Happy Christmas. You guys (as in Harry and I because they know who the bears are) BETTER NOT be SNOGGING in there or anything else! Love, Mum and Dad". That was from my parents!!!

I'm a little sad, though. Ginny and I have been fighting a lot lately, you know, and it's all over Harry. I know that she likes him, too. It's just... Yeah. I don't get it how she can say she wants us together yet she's normally trying to be all over him. Last night I tried flirting with him... He really didn't seem to notice because... Yeah. Ron says that I need to show him physically how much I like him. Do you think I should, Diary? I don't know... I've been thinking about Harry a lot more in my head, Diary, then normal.

I'm really sorry to cut this short again like I did last entry, but yeah... I need to get going. In case I don't write tomorrow, Happy Christmas, I guess.  
-Hermione

- - - - -

(A/N- To my real life friends: E-mail me for the real story of what Kaleb  
said to me! It's a lot funnier than that!! -Jackie)

("Shelia Abigail Penguin!"

"No Shelia Abigail Penguin Chicken!"

"No Shelia Abigail Rice!"

"Jackie hates rice?"

**Giggles**

"Oh yes she really hates rice!" Sarcasm!

Sorry Jack couldn't resist –Erin)  
- - - - -


	31. Entries Ninety Two through Ninety Four

Story: My Diary

Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I'm still making the huge one, okay?

Thanks to all my reviewers!! A new reviewer, smilesing, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Lilli, Kasi, Miranda G. Potter, BubblyBubbles365, another new reviewer, kirksky kass, jEnA-gHeRl, then yet ANOTHER new reviewer, Frank-36!! Thanks, ya'll!!

Entry 92

12-28-97

Dear Diary,

I'm staying at Parvati's. I think I'm going back up here for New Years…

I just met Parvati's friends, Lew and Dan. I have to admit, Dan is pretty cute! LoL!!

I got to go. I'm getting sleepy. Night!

-Hermione

Entry 93

12-29-97

Dear Diary,

You're going to hate me, Diary, but I think I might be almost over Harry. I met up with one of my muggle friends, Blade Stone. Diary, I… I don't know how to say it. At first it was just for laughs because I was pretending to be all over his little sister, Rosy, but then I started to do stuff with Blade. When she fell asleep, Blade and I… We ended up having sex. Don't ask how, Diary, it was odd. It was just so weird, because when we did, I wasn't thinking of Harry. I was just thinking of Blade. I've told him I won't be his girlfriend (though I have a feeling that he's wanted to tell me he loves me a few times) because with Harry, he broke my heart so badly, Diary. You know that! I just… Well, I can't say I like him just because I want to get over Harry. I really do like Blade. I have a feeling that you're going to be hearing a lot more about him, now, Diary. Okay?

Well, I got to go. Toodles!!

-Hermione

Entry 94

1-10-98

Dear Diary,

Sorry that I haven't written since the start of the New Year. I've been really busy. Hell, we just got back to school on the 7th, which was a Friday, and then on Saturday it was back home for the weekend!! Blade thinks it's nuts, but I don't think he minds having some extra time with me. Only if Rosy would learn to leave us alone and PROMISE not to tell her friends that Blade and I are… More than friends. She opened her big mouth to one of her friends, and then I had to deny most of it because… Well, a lot of girls like Blade. Hell, Diary! I already told Parvati about him, yet I wasn't suppose to!…

Don't get me wrong, Diary, but I think I do love Blade. When I stayed at Parvati's, at night, all I could think about was him! Just him!

Now that I've mentioned how I was at Parvati's, might as well tell you the whole thing…

I went to Parvati's house for New Year's. Her step-mum and dad went out and were suppose to be having check-ups come in and look in on us. Guess what? They didn't! We could have had a huge ass party!! We didn't, though. The only guy who came over was the scary pizza guy who talked to me about my game that I was playing!

The next day, Lew came over. We called Parvati's friend, who I happen to be somewhat friends with, who Lew happens to have a major crush on, Kasi. From what I know about her, Parvati said that Kasi and I act a lot alike. Oh! Did I mention that Padma and Kasi use to date? I remember hearing about that from Parvati a few times I think…

I'm trying to think…

OH!! Hannah went nuts when Luna and I told her that I, Hermione Jane Granger, was over Harry! It was priceless, Dairy, to see the shock on her face!

I think I'm going to give up on Blade calling me… I might as well go to bed. We have school in a few more hours!

-Hermione

(A/N- I want to know, with this Blade character, do you guys want me to make him Harry? For your readers'pleasure, because this is a Harry Potter fan fiction. Erin suggested after "Blade" and I get a bit further, maybe Hermione can just go crawling back to Harry and my "Harry" can just have multi personalities… If you guys want that, I want at least 5 reviewers with a yes, okay? –Jackie)


	32. Entires Ninety Five through Ninety Seven

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: Uh... I own the plot (life) of this story. I also own a few other things that need not be copied from here. Also, do not copy any work that you do not know who it belongs to. Thank you.  
-  
Thanks to my wonderful reviewers! I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to post! I've had problems with my stupid keyboard, so I have not been able to send it to Erin to post! Thanks to... Fairywitch91, Kasi (2), Nick, Kari (2), Megan (3), Miss Sparrow, jEnA-gHeRl, miss-radcliffe, Lilli, Miranda G. Potter, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, and BubblyBubbles365. Thanks!  
-  
Entry 96  
1-17-98

Dear Diary,

I've really been neglecting you. For that, I'm really sorry.

I feel absolutely horrible, Diary. My knees are killing me! I cannot stand being this age with knobby knees! Last night when I was with Blade, my knees ached so badly that since I had been straddling him, I had to go over and lay down by him instead!

Oh... I found out he's got a girlfriend... It's crap!

I'm going to go...  
-Hermione  
-  
Entry 97  
1-25-98

Dear Diary,

Again I have been found neglecting you. I'll fill you in on exactly what I can remember...

I've been trying to sort of not talk to Padma or Parvati because they are fighting. I understand the fight, but Diary...

2.) Ron and Ginny could possibly be moving.

3.) Blade and I called it quits because he has a girlfriend and "didn't want her to find out".

4.) Ginny and I have been fighting. I don't want her or Ron to move.

5.) Ginny thinks if they move, Harry and I will get back together -which I really don't want to happen.

6.) Mum and I have been fighting more and more lately.

That's all I can think of that's really happened... Oh!

7.) Some Hufflepuff chick picked on Hannah in Charms when she hadn't had her medications.

And...

8.) Luna's been acting oddER than usual...

I'm sorry for such a short entry. On Friday, I'll write back what my  
grades are.  
-Hermione  
-  
Entry 98  
2-7-98

Dear Diary,  
My life is getting so odd. I can barely stand it myself. I want people to see...

Sorry. I felt really down for a moment. I must fill you in with what's happened because I'm such a lousy owner!

(A/N - Everything about Harry in here is false to my life. I no longer love "Harry", so to my real life people who know me, this is strictly just fiction writing about Harry.)

My love for Blade is over. I think it was just a fairy tale, really, to hide my love for Harry. Back in late January, Blade moved. I was stuck alone... Again. Unable to talk to many, I went into a place I'd only seen once before. This place was where I went when I didn't have Harry to comfort me. That's when I knew, Diary, that I do love  
Harry.

Diary, my pages in you are running out. I seem to have miscalculated how many pages I have left in you. There is so much I wish to write, but the pages are just getting shorter and shorter. My guess is now I will only be able to fill up to exactly 100 entries in here.

Over the times I have wrote to you, Diary, I have known how much I've changed. I'm not the same love struck girl I was back towards entry 1. I am now ready to go and face my life. I plan to mature and get used to the fact that this is me. In a few weeks, I will be eighteen. Then later, I will be out of Hogwarts. Who knows what will become of me when I do not have these walls of shelter around to protect me? I will not have my friends. I will not have my books. I will only have my memories of this place and time.

I shouldn't be dwelling the end of you, Diary, but I am. Diary, I must say you have held my sanity. You know me better than any thing else. Diary, you are me.

Again I have miscalculated my pages left in you. I am on my very last page.

Diary, you hold my tears, you hold my blood, and you hold my every thought! I have had you since the end of fifth year when a friend gave me you. Now here it is, I'm almost eighteen, and you don't look at all like you did when I got you. I reckon I don't look like I did back then, either. We all change, for better or for worse.

These are my last lines, Diary. Maybe again I will look back to you and remember, Diary, who my best friend was through the toughest times.  
-Hermione

-

(A/N - This is not the end, folks! You have one more chapter (including the entire reviewers list)! It will be a dream I had a long time ago (back when I loved "Harry"). It's a conclusion of what's happened. - Jackie)


	33. The End of The Beginning

Story: My Diary  
Author: J.E.A.R.K.Potter (Jackie)  
Rating: R  
Disclaimer: See earlier chapters

Well, this is it my dear people. This is the end to "My Diary". I'm sort of sad to see it end... LoL. Anyways, I wanted to thank my reviewers!

Kasi, Smilesing, Ann-Marie, Kari, BubblyBubbles365, Lilli, I like lampshades, sadaf, nightdreamer13, sloth master, Erin from J.E.A.R.K.Potter, Miranda G. Potter, Scorpio-1983, Miss-Radcliffe, magicrules, Frank-36, wiccaanimangagirlkagome, Lunalovegood, sugas love, brit, drxd, Authorchick, meaka, monkeyfeet180, jason, selene13, harrysgurl4life, slytherinangel2007, jEnA, hockey-gal-sport12, megan, jEnA-gHeRl, kirksky kass, fairywitch91, nick, miss sparrow, Fleur Delaherms, maD-aS-biatcH, jayla, meaka, and sylverwings.

To all my flamers: Even though you hated the story, I'm still putting you on here. I understand what you mean, I mean, I'm a critic to it, too. 

THIS IS THE DUMBEST STORY I HAVE EVER READ, BeaumofitRulz, Jenna, Kyme/Kelsey, Critic Freak, and FU.

Chapter 33  
The Ending of the Beginning

Author's Note: This is a dream I had a long, LONG time ago... Okay?

Hermione was now a beautiful 32-year-old woman. She still lived in Devon, in the same house, the same yard, event eh same ridiculous water fountain her father had put in the front yard was there! Although neither of her parents were there to see their amazing granddaughter, Siri, grow up. Jane and Louis had died back when Hermione was twenty-five. That would make Siri three when her only grandparents died in an actual muggle car crash. Hermione grieved over her lost parents, but she had to remain a good wife and strong mother for her family.

On this day, Hermione was laying in her bed, crying her eyes out. This had become a ritual for the woman to lie in bed for almost seventeen years (minus a few). That day many years ago, she had found out she loved her husband. Exactly seventeen years ago to that day. She had loved the man who changed her entire life.

"Mum?" the eleven-year-old bushy brown haired girl asked as she stuck her head into the room.

"Yes, Siri?"

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, honey."

"I know there is, Mum. You know, you've cried every day on this very day for every bloody year of my life that I can remember. Why?"

"Oh, Siri..."

"Seriously, Mum. What is going on?" Siri asked, walking into the room and sitting down on the bed next to her mother.

"I don't... What am I trying to do! Yes, I do. Listen, you know them diaries of mine that I keep up on he top shelf of my Forbidden Bookshelf that even when you ask me for other books on it, I never, ever let you touch them?"

"Yeah. What about them?"

"You know they hold very personal information..."

"I know."

"They could make you very angry at some of the people you love with all your heart..."

"It's all in the past, Mum. I won't get angry."

"Yes, you will, Siri. You're my daughter. Believe me, I know you."

"So, Mum, can I read them now?"

"I don't know if..."

"Come on, Mum. Please?"

"Fine. Just the first one, though."

"Why?"

"Because I said so, Siri. I'm only ready to show you that one."

"That's not fair!"

"I don't have to show you ant of them..."

"Fine, only the first one. Yes, Mum."

"I've got to talk to your father. I trust you to be alone in this room. These could take you awhile to read. Is that alright?"

"Mmmhmm..." Siri said. She had already gotten down the leather-covered book and started reading it.

Hermione walked down the hallway. Pictures hung upon the walls of the happy things to happen in their lives. Her husband's pictures of his parents hung on the wall next to a picture of Jane and Louis. then hung a picture of the wedding day, her little Siri as just a baby, then more pictures of Siri. Hermione stopped at a picture that was taken a long time ago, back when she, Harry, and Ron had all been in their first year. There was one of them in all the years to come besides seventh year. Seventh year had been torture to Hermione and now her sweet angel, Siri, was finding out why.

As Hermione stood there looking at the pictures, her husband came and put his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him, sighing.

"Hey, Mione. You want some breakfast? Luna sent pancakes over with Neville. He needed to borrow a tool. Those muggle ways... Why Luna makes him do it, I'll never know!" an emerald eyed, raven-haired man said, smiling.

Hermione shook her head and just kept staring at the pictures.

Harry turned Hermione around to face him. "What's wrong? You're not pregnant, are you? You about killed me when you told me Siri was on her way. If I remember right, it was just like this that you told me, Mione," he said.

Hermione gave out a very quiet laugh. "Don't worry, Harry. I'm not pregnant. It's worse."

Harry's eyes went wide. "What could bloody be worse, Mione!"

Hermione gazed up to him. "Siri's reading my diary."

Harry looked at her and frowned. "Mione, I don't think..."

"It's time that she knew about the bad parts of our past, too, Harry. Just like these pictures, they show no misery. What we've told her is the good things. It's time she knew more about Harry, you, and me. Even if we weren't always together."

"Mione, you and Ron fucked in that diary!"

"Well, she'll know that, too..."

"You cut yourself!"

"She's asked about the scars..."

"You bad mouthed me in there!"

"That too..."

"Then I was always with another woman. Si's going to hate me!"

"She said..."

"She said she wouldn't, right? Hermione, this is our daughter. No offence, but she's just a stubborn as you are when it comes to things like your temper. You told Ginny how many times that you wouldn't get angry but then you'd get really, really pissed off?"

Hermione thought for a moment. "You got a point, there, Harry."

"One of the only times I'm ever going to, Mione! Today is a day to remember! July 13h, 2013!" he said proudly.

Hermione laughed. She went over to the calendar in the living room and wrote in the blank "Harry made a point". "Happy?" she asked.

"Very," he said and kissed her.

The day passed by quickly. Siri had spent most of it, besides when she came out for dinner and tea, reading her mother's diary. Harry and Hermione spent the day with friends like Ron, Padma, Parvati, Luna, Hannah, Kasi, and a few other assorted people coming over. For the late night evening, though, they had just laid down on the couch to watch movies. Most had been either horror or comedies, but Hermione did weasel in a few of her romantic movies. As Harry said, "It isn't like we're really going to always be watching the show, any ways."

An American horror film, The Ring Two, was in the DVD player when Hermione yawned.

"Tired, Mione?" Harry asked as he put a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"A little. Yeah, I am," she said and yawned again.

"Why don't you just go to sleep, then?"

"Because, my life is perfect, granted I don't have my parents here."

"How so?"

"I'm loved. I've got all the friends I need and I love them all. I've got the daughter I had always dreamed I would have. To top it all off, I'm married to you, the man I've loved for seventeen year of my life," she said.

A tear actually formed in Harry's eye. "I love you, Mione," he said. "I've never known how much, either. I don't think I ever will."

"Love you, too, Harry," she whispered. She laid her head down on his shoulder where she could hear his heart beating then she closed her eyes.

Harry covered her up, then turned his attention again to the movie.

Siri came out of her parents' room with a bewildered face. Without realizing the time, she yelled, "Mum! Dad!"

"We're downstairs, Siri!"

"Alright, Freebird! I mean, Dad! All right, Dad! I'm...Going to go change for bed. I'll be down in a second!"

Siri went into her room and shut her door. She looked around at everything she had collected over the years. On her desk was her very own diary. She began keeping it when she started Hogwarts. She went over and in the front she wrote, "I vow not to get angry at dad, Uncle Ron, Ginny, or any other person I could get angry at since I read Mum's Diary. I also vow not to talk to Mum about it because I don't ever want her to get angry over it. Siri Nicole Potter - 7/13/13

Siri put on her emerald pajamas. They matched her eyes, just as they matched her father's. She walked out the door and went downstairs. She stopped halfway up and noticed her parents. Hermione was snuggled under the comforter and into Harry. She looked so... Peaceful. Harry was stroking her hair as she slept and he watched a movie. Siri was glad her parents were happy. She watched them for a few moments, then went back up to her room and fell asleep, smiling.

THE END!


End file.
